Gifts

Apologies for my attitude lately. Sometimes I wish I was female so I would have a biological reason to be bitchy once a month instead of just doing it anyway.
My ego grows and shrinks like an iris. Lately I've been thinking about my life, and all the crazy things that have happened - and some crazy things indeed, I'd say. I believe that age should not be measured through time, but through experience; in that sense, I am both unique and quite old. Sometimes I think about the crushing depression of having seen and done all these things, and that none of it matters or ever will. Sometimes I think that it does matter, and about the injustice that the world will never know or care. Fortunately I've been dropping out of this vicious cycle and back into my old nonchalance. At the same time there's the desire to get out and tell people about my life... Hm. I don't know. To me I'm still nothing special. Whatever.

I think it says a lot about my life that the only people I can easily talk to are Wiccans, the only people I really feel comfortable around are Christians, and most of my friends are girls (and Nikki, who's as good as) who say more in a day than I do in a month.

We found Wraith, the other night. Sort of. It was last night, when by chance we were listening to Half Jack, her favorite song. At least, the only piece of music she'd ever shown any fondness for. I think it's like her connection to the haich, that's why she likes it. Anyway, we heard a stirring. For a minute or so we were connected to her again, but then she vanished. We think she's actually underneath the blue mountain. A crevasse on the northeast face may lead to the interior. Excavations are underway.

We've been experimenting with a new type of shield. It cuts us off from the world, preventing us from feeling the minds of others. It should work the other way as well. We call it the Durian because of its shape. Of course, being cut off from others for long can be distressing, but we hope it will help in the angry times when we need to be alone.

The other day Skeleton invited Styx up to his lair. Later he went down into the depths of the Chasm. He still hasn't told us exactly what happened either time. Honestly, I know he's the main but he's kind of insensitive about us sometimes. But then, maybe it's supposed to be a secret.

I need a hug... but I'm not exactly going out of my way to get one. I need to spend more time with people. I should take Danica out somewhere. I've decided I'm not feeling sore at her. Whatever else you say, she makes us happy... and when not screwing things up we seem to do the same for her. Maybe we'll be okay after all.

Tomorrow, a first-aid class from nine-thirty to six. I know it's important and valuble and things, but grumble grumble grumble... It's just an aside that I have a veritable ton of writing to do.

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