Slit throat, blackened eye,
Road rash and blood run dry,
Self-mutilation,
Full desecration,
And that's just my brother.
Two flaps of skin
Quickly worn thin
Pieces of you
Bleeding right through
I felt that pain.
False democracy
All hypocrisy
Never be leniant
Too inconvenient
Why can't people listen?
The second layer of skin is the most painful. Bones are sliding around. Even that hurts. It's still... I don't want to think about it.
Don't say I didn't warn you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3O5uy-MBBk
Oct 31, 2007
Oct 30, 2007
DESTROY
Guilty. Just a little? Maybe more than just a little. It would have been wrong to hide it. Some might call it trivial, meaningless, and if I had kept quiet it would have been just that; just a little tick. But look at the effect it's having now. I didn't mean that. I just wanted to be honest. Why must pain attach itself to everything I do?
I can't get my mind off that girl in Boston. She had blond, neck-length hair. She wore black with a low neckline and a hint of mascara, also black. She was very pale. We stood next to each other by the side of the road waiting for the WALK sign to light up. I've seen her for perhaps fifteen seconds in my whole life and yet somehow I can't seem to forget her. Not in a romantic way, mind. Nothing like that. It was just one of those moments that never leaves you. I hold onto it because it's special to me, being one of the few things I've ever been able to consistently remember.
IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!!
Halloween has always been special to me. Not in a good way. It's the darkest time of the year. What else would we call the celebration of night, of greed, of lust, of fire, of daemonic creatures and witchcraft, of fear, terror, the screams of little children, of acts of evil committed in the light of blood, of deals with the Devil himself? Do you know the story of the jack-o'-lantern? It tells of a man name Jack who one day met the Devil and trapped him with a cross. There are many variations of this part of the story, but they all end with Jack releasing the Devil on the condition that he be never sent into Hell. When Jack died he could not enter Heaven, for he was a thief and a dishonest man. So he went down to Hell, but because of his pact with the Devil he could not enter there either. In desperation he asked the Devil for a lantern so he could find his way. The Devil took the turnip he was eating and put a piece of flaming coal inside, then gave it to Jack. Jack set off with his new lantern, and forever wanders in darkness, trying to find a place where his soul may rest. But he never will.
Consider this: in this world all celebrations, good or evil, have been rewritten into little more than market holidays. Everything is about money. Just think about what you're really celebrating. Christmas (the inaccurate anniversary of the Virgin Birth) is now about magic reindeer and getting presents. Easter (the more accurate anniversary of when someone rose from the dead!) is now about bunnies and chocolate eggs. Thanksgiving (remembrance of a time when people were happy to just be alive) is now about turkey. Halloween (celebration of death) is about candy. You see the similarities? They don't mean anything anymore. And what with "political correctness" these days they're going to start meaning less and less.
Feeling kinda down. Still got Civics to do.
I can't get my mind off that girl in Boston. She had blond, neck-length hair. She wore black with a low neckline and a hint of mascara, also black. She was very pale. We stood next to each other by the side of the road waiting for the WALK sign to light up. I've seen her for perhaps fifteen seconds in my whole life and yet somehow I can't seem to forget her. Not in a romantic way, mind. Nothing like that. It was just one of those moments that never leaves you. I hold onto it because it's special to me, being one of the few things I've ever been able to consistently remember.
IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!!
Halloween has always been special to me. Not in a good way. It's the darkest time of the year. What else would we call the celebration of night, of greed, of lust, of fire, of daemonic creatures and witchcraft, of fear, terror, the screams of little children, of acts of evil committed in the light of blood, of deals with the Devil himself? Do you know the story of the jack-o'-lantern? It tells of a man name Jack who one day met the Devil and trapped him with a cross. There are many variations of this part of the story, but they all end with Jack releasing the Devil on the condition that he be never sent into Hell. When Jack died he could not enter Heaven, for he was a thief and a dishonest man. So he went down to Hell, but because of his pact with the Devil he could not enter there either. In desperation he asked the Devil for a lantern so he could find his way. The Devil took the turnip he was eating and put a piece of flaming coal inside, then gave it to Jack. Jack set off with his new lantern, and forever wanders in darkness, trying to find a place where his soul may rest. But he never will.
Consider this: in this world all celebrations, good or evil, have been rewritten into little more than market holidays. Everything is about money. Just think about what you're really celebrating. Christmas (the inaccurate anniversary of the Virgin Birth) is now about magic reindeer and getting presents. Easter (the more accurate anniversary of when someone rose from the dead!) is now about bunnies and chocolate eggs. Thanksgiving (remembrance of a time when people were happy to just be alive) is now about turkey. Halloween (celebration of death) is about candy. You see the similarities? They don't mean anything anymore. And what with "political correctness" these days they're going to start meaning less and less.
Feeling kinda down. Still got Civics to do.
Oct 28, 2007
-pation
There's a storm coming.
Not that kind of storm. The other kind. The kind you can't see; you can only feel it. I've only felt one of these before, about six months ago. I kept whispering "There's a storm coming." Over and over again. I couldn't help it. Ella kept looking at me like I was crazy, but she still comforted me.
It's strange when I think of Ella. There's a twitch. Not a good twitch or a bad twitch, just a twitch. I look at the past sometimes and think of the time when I knew I would never love anyone else. "Love is not fickle. The people who try to understand it are." I think I still do love her, in a way. At least part of me does. Part of me always did...
Am I making you jealous, Tash?
Time changes everything. I'm completely different from who I used to be. When I think of myself two years ago I feel nothing but pity. I was just beginning to realize who (and what) I am then. I was in for a surprise. That was the year I stumbled upon... that which consumed my life and soul. That was the year I died. I never truly recovered. The year after... at the very least I had some inkling of what had happened. I spent what seemed like forever trying to find myself. I pursued illogical relationships, began to take mezzophisical drugs, wallowed in self-pity like a giraffe in a tar pit. It took a long time before I reached a stable state of mind.
Looking back on the pathetic scrap of what barely passes for a human that my life used to be, I'm so glad those years are over.
Not that kind of storm. The other kind. The kind you can't see; you can only feel it. I've only felt one of these before, about six months ago. I kept whispering "There's a storm coming." Over and over again. I couldn't help it. Ella kept looking at me like I was crazy, but she still comforted me.
It's strange when I think of Ella. There's a twitch. Not a good twitch or a bad twitch, just a twitch. I look at the past sometimes and think of the time when I knew I would never love anyone else. "Love is not fickle. The people who try to understand it are." I think I still do love her, in a way. At least part of me does. Part of me always did...
Am I making you jealous, Tash?
Time changes everything. I'm completely different from who I used to be. When I think of myself two years ago I feel nothing but pity. I was just beginning to realize who (and what) I am then. I was in for a surprise. That was the year I stumbled upon... that which consumed my life and soul. That was the year I died. I never truly recovered. The year after... at the very least I had some inkling of what had happened. I spent what seemed like forever trying to find myself. I pursued illogical relationships, began to take mezzophisical drugs, wallowed in self-pity like a giraffe in a tar pit. It took a long time before I reached a stable state of mind.
Looking back on the pathetic scrap of what barely passes for a human that my life used to be, I'm so glad those years are over.
Oct 27, 2007
I can't believe it's post 45
Last night I had the weirdest dream of my life so far. And that's saying something.
I was playing a game called PornStar RPG, which is a first-person shooter. You go around and talk to people, complete seemingly unrelated Dance Dance Revolution-style minigames, collect useless items, and snowboard. Despite the title it seemed only slightly sex-related; the only nudity was one hairy fat guy holding a sausage. Although there were girls tugging at their clothes. I don't know. I don't know if my mind is trying to tell me something, and if it is I don't want to know what. Life is confusing enough already.
We're fire and ice, she and I, and it's becoming blatantly obvious which is which. I ran my hands under the tap; even under the coldest setting it still felt warm. My body is just insensitive to cold. I can't explain it.
I always knew music affected me, but I'm only just starting to realize how much. Pain! Every time I heard that it felt like I had been stung. This explains a lot.
Elbow sex! But seriously, what would you do if you found a transvestite in your cereal? Seriously, what would you do?
I always laugh when I'm about to say something absurd. I can't help it. But I was THIS close to taking the cheeseburger seriously.
Now that the jacket is off I feel ridiculous. It's like the physical embodiment of the effects of a couple of beers.
Someday I'll work out why he had numbers written on his thigh. I will.
I still feel like there's rice all over me. And somehow I've still got the sensation of toasted bread colliding with the back of my head.
Tell us about it, Janet!
My heart is bleeding, the Beast is feeding, we reap no more than we sow...
Darkness seeding, so misleading, the Reaper's picture show...
In short: WOO HOO WHAT A NIGHT!!!
I was playing a game called PornStar RPG, which is a first-person shooter. You go around and talk to people, complete seemingly unrelated Dance Dance Revolution-style minigames, collect useless items, and snowboard. Despite the title it seemed only slightly sex-related; the only nudity was one hairy fat guy holding a sausage. Although there were girls tugging at their clothes. I don't know. I don't know if my mind is trying to tell me something, and if it is I don't want to know what. Life is confusing enough already.
We're fire and ice, she and I, and it's becoming blatantly obvious which is which. I ran my hands under the tap; even under the coldest setting it still felt warm. My body is just insensitive to cold. I can't explain it.
I always knew music affected me, but I'm only just starting to realize how much. Pain! Every time I heard that it felt like I had been stung. This explains a lot.
Elbow sex! But seriously, what would you do if you found a transvestite in your cereal? Seriously, what would you do?
I always laugh when I'm about to say something absurd. I can't help it. But I was THIS close to taking the cheeseburger seriously.
Now that the jacket is off I feel ridiculous. It's like the physical embodiment of the effects of a couple of beers.
Someday I'll work out why he had numbers written on his thigh. I will.
I still feel like there's rice all over me. And somehow I've still got the sensation of toasted bread colliding with the back of my head.
Tell us about it, Janet!
My heart is bleeding, the Beast is feeding, we reap no more than we sow...
Darkness seeding, so misleading, the Reaper's picture show...
In short: WOO HOO WHAT A NIGHT!!!
Oct 26, 2007
Cuddle Box
The danger has gone now.
But that doesn't mean that we can rest.
It's hard to understand my non-precaution
Some kind of demon
Won't let us tell it what is best
You don't know when we'll be undone
And at last lose control
But there's no sense holding on for happiness' sake
We just keep on going in the hope of some cake
And while the day's long since done
But the fight's never won
We're just happy that we're
Still alive.
There's some love left out there.
We see it around us, every day.
Amongst the stares of all the strangest people
Where do we find it?
It starts inside, I know the way.
But every touch ignites a spark
That makes me scream with desire
But when we've forgotten how to recognize lust
You can shoot me then for I'll have broken our trust
Though I crash at every turn
And my body seems to burn
I'm just happy that I'm
Still alive.
Know that I love you.
I wish I could live inside your mind.
It's different but at least you can be certain
Of who you are now.
At least I think, I have no clue.
Some days all I can do is write
And now I'm hungry for cake
While there's no light waiting at the end of this tube
We can always hold on to our Companion Cube
I've got no identity
But still find serenity
In the people who are
Still alive
But that doesn't mean that we can rest.
It's hard to understand my non-precaution
Some kind of demon
Won't let us tell it what is best
You don't know when we'll be undone
And at last lose control
But there's no sense holding on for happiness' sake
We just keep on going in the hope of some cake
And while the day's long since done
But the fight's never won
We're just happy that we're
Still alive.
There's some love left out there.
We see it around us, every day.
Amongst the stares of all the strangest people
Where do we find it?
It starts inside, I know the way.
But every touch ignites a spark
That makes me scream with desire
But when we've forgotten how to recognize lust
You can shoot me then for I'll have broken our trust
Though I crash at every turn
And my body seems to burn
I'm just happy that I'm
Still alive.
Know that I love you.
I wish I could live inside your mind.
It's different but at least you can be certain
Of who you are now.
At least I think, I have no clue.
Some days all I can do is write
And now I'm hungry for cake
While there's no light waiting at the end of this tube
We can always hold on to our Companion Cube
I've got no identity
But still find serenity
In the people who are
Still alive
Oct 25, 2007
She's not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention
He really lost it today. He was shouting. He's so impulsive for a deep thinker it's embarrassing.
The top front of my mouth feels burned. Suits my mood. And it all started out so well.
Sometimes it's an irritation that animals have no concept of clothing. At others it's a lifesaver.
Every twist of muscles was agony. For me at least. Even if I couldn't see right through you it would still show in your face. You know you can't hide anything from me.
You're the only one who knows how I see weapons. Every couple of weeks I still find myself miming a stabbing motion over my heart. Somehow I know exactly what it feels like. Agony.
Why must everything collapse around me the instant I achieve stability? Why does my own life conspire against me? Am I not allowed to simply be happy?
Science progresses, people regress, babies die, the empath screams, time paints a thin whitewash over everything that people tell themselves they can't see through, the world keeps spinning. Where are we going? How far will we go? Why are the oversensitive ones the only ones who sense at all? Why do people put so much faith into Darkness but none into the Light? Why haven't we destroyed ourselves already? Everyone expects the world to be handed to them on a silver platter and then get angry when everyone expects the same of them. We know what we're doing is wrong, but people have so many wrong ideas about how to change it that nothing ever happens. The truth is people don't want anything to change. They're "happy" and nothing can get in the way of that. Can't you see no one is happy anymore? They fill the air with chemicals and wonder why people get cancer. Who's to say happiness isn't the same? But when everything is a metaphor for everything else all meaning is lost and all forms of communication collapse. People can't communicate anymore and we're unable to express why. Maybe the knife was the best option. But then people wouldn't understand. I'll know tomorrow.
The top front of my mouth feels burned. Suits my mood. And it all started out so well.
Sometimes it's an irritation that animals have no concept of clothing. At others it's a lifesaver.
Every twist of muscles was agony. For me at least. Even if I couldn't see right through you it would still show in your face. You know you can't hide anything from me.
You're the only one who knows how I see weapons. Every couple of weeks I still find myself miming a stabbing motion over my heart. Somehow I know exactly what it feels like. Agony.
Why must everything collapse around me the instant I achieve stability? Why does my own life conspire against me? Am I not allowed to simply be happy?
Science progresses, people regress, babies die, the empath screams, time paints a thin whitewash over everything that people tell themselves they can't see through, the world keeps spinning. Where are we going? How far will we go? Why are the oversensitive ones the only ones who sense at all? Why do people put so much faith into Darkness but none into the Light? Why haven't we destroyed ourselves already? Everyone expects the world to be handed to them on a silver platter and then get angry when everyone expects the same of them. We know what we're doing is wrong, but people have so many wrong ideas about how to change it that nothing ever happens. The truth is people don't want anything to change. They're "happy" and nothing can get in the way of that. Can't you see no one is happy anymore? They fill the air with chemicals and wonder why people get cancer. Who's to say happiness isn't the same? But when everything is a metaphor for everything else all meaning is lost and all forms of communication collapse. People can't communicate anymore and we're unable to express why. Maybe the knife was the best option. But then people wouldn't understand. I'll know tomorrow.
Oct 24, 2007
Is this a dagger I see before me?
My sweater is still missing.
Josh, of all people, thinks I'm being negative.
Sasha is putting no effort in whatsoever.
Jennifer's nice, but she just can't act.
Yeah, we could be doing better. Maybe we would have rehearsed the whole thing by now if we could just get through one scene without someone laughing. Maybe the script would be longer if I hadn't had to practically write the whole thing myself. Maybe we would be looking better if people could do something about props instead of just talking about them. Maybe we could all just be better actors if we let some ENERGY into the play instead of speaking in a monotone. But is that likely to happen? Not really.
IMPACT snapped something at a leering passer-by that I can't explain.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't write it. Neither in my head or on paper, the words would not come together. Maybe if he knew what he was asking of me he would have been kinder. I was an atheist for a week once and I almost killed myself before the end of it. On dark days, when the wind is frigid and my mood is sour, I still walk with a limp.
Maeralaes Lux Nast. That was all I could write. "This is how I stand." Over and over again. Line after line. Maeralaes Lux Nast. He's going to think I'm crazy now.
I saw you glance at me. You were writing about me, weren't you?
Today has not been a nice day. And I still haven't talked to the good doctor yet. Ach...
Josh, of all people, thinks I'm being negative.
Sasha is putting no effort in whatsoever.
Jennifer's nice, but she just can't act.
Yeah, we could be doing better. Maybe we would have rehearsed the whole thing by now if we could just get through one scene without someone laughing. Maybe the script would be longer if I hadn't had to practically write the whole thing myself. Maybe we would be looking better if people could do something about props instead of just talking about them. Maybe we could all just be better actors if we let some ENERGY into the play instead of speaking in a monotone. But is that likely to happen? Not really.
IMPACT snapped something at a leering passer-by that I can't explain.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't write it. Neither in my head or on paper, the words would not come together. Maybe if he knew what he was asking of me he would have been kinder. I was an atheist for a week once and I almost killed myself before the end of it. On dark days, when the wind is frigid and my mood is sour, I still walk with a limp.
Maeralaes Lux Nast. That was all I could write. "This is how I stand." Over and over again. Line after line. Maeralaes Lux Nast. He's going to think I'm crazy now.
I saw you glance at me. You were writing about me, weren't you?
Today has not been a nice day. And I still haven't talked to the good doctor yet. Ach...
Oct 22, 2007
As soon as I work out who he is
It occurred to me earlier that I was upset about the drawings of the Rooms because I can't draw. So why don't I give a guided tour instead? Do something I'm actually good at?
Let's start with the Hub. The Hub is a large, six-sided room with a door on each wall. There is a spiral staircase in the middle leading up and down. The room itself is a dirty white, as though it was once sparkling but hasn't been cleaned in months. All surfaces are made of a tile that feels like linoleum but is hard and cold as marble. There is a distinct feeling of thinness to the room, as though you are walking on cracking ice or stiff paper.
The first door (#1 on the map) is a standard wooden door painted yellow. Inside is a mostly square but slightly lopsided room. On the wall on the right are various aquariums, and opposite them are several terrariums. On the wall facing the door there are several screens that can contain anything.
Directly opposite it (#7 on the map) is an identical door, only much larger and painted orange. Inside is a triangular room painted entirely in the same alarmingly bright orange. It is filled with comfy chairs, sofas and beds. There is an enormous flat-screen TV in the middle of the room and a beer fridge against the wall.
To the left of this room (#2 on the map) is what looks like an elevator door. It opens out to a large concrete plaza containing four large office buildings. These are "labelled" Human Resources, Hon-Human Resources, Claims and Returns. Most floors of these are filled with filing cabinets. The plaza itself is called Current Affairs. It is not fully understood what goes on in these building, although it probably has something to do with the Rooms.
Next door to that (#4 on the map) is a large stone doorway with malicious-looking gargoyles cared into it. This is the smallest Room, barely large enough to stand up in. It contains a few threadbare stuffed animals and nothing else. At the back is a very small, dark alcove; just the right size, one would think, for a small child to curl up in.
Directly opposite (#5 on the map) has no door. Inside is pure white. It's hard to tell where the floor ends and the wall begins. There appears to be no back wall. There is an alter of some sort at the end of the room, but it is guarded by the Ice Angel.
(#6 on the map) is the largest Room. The entrance to it is a doorway filled with hanging beads. This opens up onto the middle of an island called Eden in the middle of the C sea. Many strange things exist here. Other islands include Army Ant island, populated by a huge army of army ants; Exploding-Giraffeland, where the exploding giraffes live; Crab Claw island, full of things with shells; and the Lost Island of Nod. The Triumph Islands and ? are mostly unexplored. There is also a man-made island called Lair and a section of ocean where dragons are said to live.
Down the spiral staircase is a rust-red wasteland. Dunes of dark sand fill the horizon, with some wicked-looking mountains in the far distance. It is a harsh place.
No one knows what is up the spiral staircase. We've never looked.
Let's start with the Hub. The Hub is a large, six-sided room with a door on each wall. There is a spiral staircase in the middle leading up and down. The room itself is a dirty white, as though it was once sparkling but hasn't been cleaned in months. All surfaces are made of a tile that feels like linoleum but is hard and cold as marble. There is a distinct feeling of thinness to the room, as though you are walking on cracking ice or stiff paper.
The first door (#1 on the map) is a standard wooden door painted yellow. Inside is a mostly square but slightly lopsided room. On the wall on the right are various aquariums, and opposite them are several terrariums. On the wall facing the door there are several screens that can contain anything.
Directly opposite it (#7 on the map) is an identical door, only much larger and painted orange. Inside is a triangular room painted entirely in the same alarmingly bright orange. It is filled with comfy chairs, sofas and beds. There is an enormous flat-screen TV in the middle of the room and a beer fridge against the wall.
To the left of this room (#2 on the map) is what looks like an elevator door. It opens out to a large concrete plaza containing four large office buildings. These are "labelled" Human Resources, Hon-Human Resources, Claims and Returns. Most floors of these are filled with filing cabinets. The plaza itself is called Current Affairs. It is not fully understood what goes on in these building, although it probably has something to do with the Rooms.
Next door to that (#4 on the map) is a large stone doorway with malicious-looking gargoyles cared into it. This is the smallest Room, barely large enough to stand up in. It contains a few threadbare stuffed animals and nothing else. At the back is a very small, dark alcove; just the right size, one would think, for a small child to curl up in.
Directly opposite (#5 on the map) has no door. Inside is pure white. It's hard to tell where the floor ends and the wall begins. There appears to be no back wall. There is an alter of some sort at the end of the room, but it is guarded by the Ice Angel.
(#6 on the map) is the largest Room. The entrance to it is a doorway filled with hanging beads. This opens up onto the middle of an island called Eden in the middle of the C sea. Many strange things exist here. Other islands include Army Ant island, populated by a huge army of army ants; Exploding-Giraffeland, where the exploding giraffes live; Crab Claw island, full of things with shells; and the Lost Island of Nod. The Triumph Islands and ? are mostly unexplored. There is also a man-made island called Lair and a section of ocean where dragons are said to live.
Down the spiral staircase is a rust-red wasteland. Dunes of dark sand fill the horizon, with some wicked-looking mountains in the far distance. It is a harsh place.
No one knows what is up the spiral staircase. We've never looked.
Oct 21, 2007
Only the why answers how; but why?
I can't believe we're getting two more cats. I can't believe it. At least these two are supposed to be big and fat and floppy and quiet; the kind we've been looking for all these years. Their names are Panama and Quinny, although Panama's going to get the nickname Bagpuss because he is. There was some kind of story behind it.
Tash, where are you? I get sad when you're not online. I get sad when I log onto a message board and it tells me you were there one minute ago. I get sad when I don't know if you've read something I've written. I get sad when my blog posts have no comments. I get sad when I think about how hopelessly co-dependant I am. I shouldn't need to hear you saying that you love me every hour of the day. Maybe it would be better if... no. I'm not going to start second-guessing myself again. As soon as my insecurities start acting up the whole cycle's going to begin all over again.
I've got too much work to do. No sleep tonight. I hate procrastination.
Tash, where are you? I get sad when you're not online. I get sad when I log onto a message board and it tells me you were there one minute ago. I get sad when I don't know if you've read something I've written. I get sad when my blog posts have no comments. I get sad when I think about how hopelessly co-dependant I am. I shouldn't need to hear you saying that you love me every hour of the day. Maybe it would be better if... no. I'm not going to start second-guessing myself again. As soon as my insecurities start acting up the whole cycle's going to begin all over again.
I've got too much work to do. No sleep tonight. I hate procrastination.
Oct 20, 2007
It only lets me post five pictures at a time
If you have started reading this from the top of the page, kindly direct your attention to the post below. Thank you.
On a day like this
What follows is a shifty and probably highly inaccurate (especially the times) account of the past two days.
FRIDAY
12:01
I wake up. I stare at the ceiling for awhile, but I don't feel tired. I don't go back to sleep. Vaguely I wonder why. Out of nowhere I suddenly say "Give me a life."
I wake up.
6:30
I wake up.
6:35
I wake up again.
6:50
I should really be getting up now.
7:10
I'm feeling a lot more tired than usual. Then I see Tash and my day starts to brighten up a little.
7:25
The bus arrives.
7:26
The bus leaves.
8:07
The bus arrives at its destination.
8:45
Discussion about "Mr. Bear" and related subjects.
9:05
I hate Civics.
10:25
Drama is more fun.
10:46
Josh refuses to be a Pokemon.
11:45
Lunch. Uninspired, but that's what you get when your brother makes your lunch. I'm not complaining.
12:30
Plans made.
12:34
Lockdown. Plans cancelled.
12:36
Sitting in a dark room. Next to Tash, which is nice :) but also crushed against a wall with no room to stretch. I think the reason I've got a hunch is because as a child they made me sit on the floor. It's the position I naturally assume.
1:15
It's raining outside. I wish I was out there.
2:00
Lockdown finally cancelled. I've missed Lit, which is sad.
2:10
Science. Sigh...
3:27
I'm actually outside before Tash for once.
3:35
Bus ride home. *stares wistfully into space*
4:15
Maybe I crossed a line. I'm not sure.
4:25
Last goodbyes. :(
4:38
Extremely hurried homework. It seems unfair that I've been given a weekendfull of homework, given that I'm busy all weekend.
5:00
Pizza while doing homework.
7:00
Church group. So it begins. Danica was pleased to see me, I think. My readership may now go up by one :)
7:20
Band called Atlantic. Need I say more? (Yes, but I'm not going to because I'm lazy.)
7:30
Intense worship time.
8:00
Danica steals my hat for the twelfth time.
Time gets a bit sketchy around this point
Have extreme religious experience
10:56
Dodgeball and the most intense pool noodle battle ever. I'm still having trouble hearing.
11:25
Least intense pool noodle battle ever.
11:30
Hometime :(
SATURDAY
Much later
Fall asleep.
8:11
Wake up.
8:20
Wake up again.
8:28
Get up.
8:35
Eat a single Weetabix (the only one left in the box) for breakfast. Worst breakfast I've had in a long time.
9:00
Get interrupted in the shower by Chris, who tells me I'm late.
9:05
Get picked up. On the road again...
9:31
Arrive. Chris has popcorn. I have a hot chocolate.
9:52
Atlantic again. Everyone becomes hyper.
11:59
Lunch. Pizza (cheese) and sludge-and-bubbles-in-a-can. I have water.
1:00
Swimming! Yeah, we went to the Wave Pool. I actually spent a lot of time sitting in the sauna. I'll take their word for it that it's good for me.
3:00
We go back. Leftover pizza!
3:10
Danica arrives. She complains about having missed swimming.
5:20
Early dinner. I have a hot dog and a hamburger. These were actual foodstuffs, not more barbecued fast food. Danica has a salad.
5:45
Atlantic again. It's hard to get tired of them.
6:10
"It's ten past six."
"Yeah, any excuse to hold my hand."
"No."
"I didn't think so."
6:12
My attention started to wander.
Hey there Natasha,
there's a very similar song
That I had stuck inside my head
So I wrote this, it's not that long
But it's for you
And now you know that that is true
This rhymes with blue
Hey there Natasha
I've got no real theme in mind
I'm just sticking to the rhyme scheme
And I hope that I'll soon find
Something to say
But I'll keep singing anyway
Right now today
That's as far as I got.
7:01
GO OUT, AND LIVE - FOR ME.
What? Um... okay.
8:24
I spoke those same words in front of a crowd. I received much applause.
8:48
Happy smiling singing jumping dancing time. Sometimes not always being quite myself has its good points.
8:51
GROUP HUG!!!
9:00
Everyone giving everyone else a hug. Happy times.
9:23
I think Danica was saying something about having a crush on me. Unlikely. I was only half-listening.
9:50
Watched Surf's Up. If it wasn't about penguins it would be really, really bad. How do people come up with these things?
11:20
Talking about penguins. More hugs.
11:30
Hometime :(
And that's what I've been up to.
Also, here are some extremely low-quality pictures of the Rooms. I may add colour later.
FRIDAY
12:01
I wake up. I stare at the ceiling for awhile, but I don't feel tired. I don't go back to sleep. Vaguely I wonder why. Out of nowhere I suddenly say "Give me a life."
I wake up.
6:30
I wake up.
6:35
I wake up again.
6:50
I should really be getting up now.
7:10
I'm feeling a lot more tired than usual. Then I see Tash and my day starts to brighten up a little.
7:25
The bus arrives.
7:26
The bus leaves.
8:07
The bus arrives at its destination.
8:45
Discussion about "Mr. Bear" and related subjects.
9:05
I hate Civics.
10:25
Drama is more fun.
10:46
Josh refuses to be a Pokemon.
11:45
Lunch. Uninspired, but that's what you get when your brother makes your lunch. I'm not complaining.
12:30
Plans made.
12:34
Lockdown. Plans cancelled.
12:36
Sitting in a dark room. Next to Tash, which is nice :) but also crushed against a wall with no room to stretch. I think the reason I've got a hunch is because as a child they made me sit on the floor. It's the position I naturally assume.
1:15
It's raining outside. I wish I was out there.
2:00
Lockdown finally cancelled. I've missed Lit, which is sad.
2:10
Science. Sigh...
3:27
I'm actually outside before Tash for once.
3:35
Bus ride home. *stares wistfully into space*
4:15
Maybe I crossed a line. I'm not sure.
4:25
Last goodbyes. :(
4:38
Extremely hurried homework. It seems unfair that I've been given a weekendfull of homework, given that I'm busy all weekend.
5:00
Pizza while doing homework.
7:00
Church group. So it begins. Danica was pleased to see me, I think. My readership may now go up by one :)
7:20
Band called Atlantic. Need I say more? (Yes, but I'm not going to because I'm lazy.)
7:30
Intense worship time.
8:00
Danica steals my hat for the twelfth time.
Time gets a bit sketchy around this point
Have extreme religious experience
10:56
Dodgeball and the most intense pool noodle battle ever. I'm still having trouble hearing.
11:25
Least intense pool noodle battle ever.
11:30
Hometime :(
SATURDAY
Much later
Fall asleep.
8:11
Wake up.
8:20
Wake up again.
8:28
Get up.
8:35
Eat a single Weetabix (the only one left in the box) for breakfast. Worst breakfast I've had in a long time.
9:00
Get interrupted in the shower by Chris, who tells me I'm late.
9:05
Get picked up. On the road again...
9:31
Arrive. Chris has popcorn. I have a hot chocolate.
9:52
Atlantic again. Everyone becomes hyper.
11:59
Lunch. Pizza (cheese) and sludge-and-bubbles-in-a-can. I have water.
1:00
Swimming! Yeah, we went to the Wave Pool. I actually spent a lot of time sitting in the sauna. I'll take their word for it that it's good for me.
3:00
We go back. Leftover pizza!
3:10
Danica arrives. She complains about having missed swimming.
5:20
Early dinner. I have a hot dog and a hamburger. These were actual foodstuffs, not more barbecued fast food. Danica has a salad.
5:45
Atlantic again. It's hard to get tired of them.
6:10
"It's ten past six."
"Yeah, any excuse to hold my hand."
"No."
"I didn't think so."
6:12
My attention started to wander.
Hey there Natasha,
there's a very similar song
That I had stuck inside my head
So I wrote this, it's not that long
But it's for you
And now you know that that is true
This rhymes with blue
Hey there Natasha
I've got no real theme in mind
I'm just sticking to the rhyme scheme
And I hope that I'll soon find
Something to say
But I'll keep singing anyway
Right now today
That's as far as I got.
7:01
GO OUT, AND LIVE - FOR ME.
What? Um... okay.
8:24
I spoke those same words in front of a crowd. I received much applause.
8:48
Happy smiling singing jumping dancing time. Sometimes not always being quite myself has its good points.
8:51
GROUP HUG!!!
9:00
Everyone giving everyone else a hug. Happy times.
9:23
I think Danica was saying something about having a crush on me. Unlikely. I was only half-listening.
9:50
Watched Surf's Up. If it wasn't about penguins it would be really, really bad. How do people come up with these things?
11:20
Talking about penguins. More hugs.
11:30
Hometime :(
And that's what I've been up to.
Also, here are some extremely low-quality pictures of the Rooms. I may add colour later.
Oct 18, 2007
Too much time
There were giggles.
"Hey," one hissed to another. "Shut up! This is serious!"
"You shut up," one hissed back. "He's telling a joke."
"Everyone..." One sighed. "You're going to get us all killed. Just be quiet, it's not hard."
One kept talking. One laughed. One tried to do both and collapsed into a fit of giggles.
"Just SHUT UP," said one, talking as loud as he dared. Just then there was a bang. One in the corner let out a scream. One collapsed into gibberish, and one more followed suit. The message "We're all going to die!" ran about the room in several forms. One put his head in his hands.
There was a crash and a bang, louder than the first, and yet somehow as silent as the twisting of a knife.
Time Dyslexia
Dyslexia is a condition in which letters within words appear in the wrong order, scrambling themselves as they pass through your brain. In the same way, time dyslexia causes time itself to be reorganized. While one event still proceeds logically to the next, there are vast differences in how the events are perceived. The event can last a few seconds or, depending on the event in question, years, causing premonitions (see FUTURE) and deja-vu (see PAST). Note that it is not the events themselves that are rearranged, merely our reactions to them. Time Dyslexia is a fairly normal if misunderstood phenomenon, and everyone experiences it at some point in their lives.
"Hey," one hissed to another. "Shut up! This is serious!"
"You shut up," one hissed back. "He's telling a joke."
"Everyone..." One sighed. "You're going to get us all killed. Just be quiet, it's not hard."
One kept talking. One laughed. One tried to do both and collapsed into a fit of giggles.
"Just SHUT UP," said one, talking as loud as he dared. Just then there was a bang. One in the corner let out a scream. One collapsed into gibberish, and one more followed suit. The message "We're all going to die!" ran about the room in several forms. One put his head in his hands.
There was a crash and a bang, louder than the first, and yet somehow as silent as the twisting of a knife.
Time Dyslexia
Dyslexia is a condition in which letters within words appear in the wrong order, scrambling themselves as they pass through your brain. In the same way, time dyslexia causes time itself to be reorganized. While one event still proceeds logically to the next, there are vast differences in how the events are perceived. The event can last a few seconds or, depending on the event in question, years, causing premonitions (see FUTURE) and deja-vu (see PAST). Note that it is not the events themselves that are rearranged, merely our reactions to them. Time Dyslexia is a fairly normal if misunderstood phenomenon, and everyone experiences it at some point in their lives.
Oct 17, 2007
Almost slightly intense
Haven't updated. Been working on the Encyclopedia Sevenfoldia. Here are a few samples:
Dark
A simplistic form of EVIL. Dark is a basic negative force that exists only to counteract LIGHT. Dark draws all other forms of energy into itself, generating more Dark; it is, in spiritual terms (see SOUL) the part that thinks only of itself, takes everything and gives nothing back. Dark is a prominent SOUL COLOUR in many individuals, but can exist in other forms as well.
Dagon
The sixth NIGHTMARE, and the strongest thus far. To picture Dagon, draw the most horrible, terrifying thing you can imagine. Now colour it in black and put it on a black background under a black light. Add glowing red eyes. Sprinkle a dash of EVIL over the whole thing. That's Dagon.
Flex
The antimatter, the antithesis, the Antichrist, the antieverything. Possibly the physical embodiment of EVIL, or at least DARK; possibly a WORMHOLE that has become antisentinent; possibly just a mutated DEVOURER. Perhaps even the VOID itself. Who can tell? Flex draws everything into itself like some kind of mobile black hole, consuming all it comes into contact with. There are as many speculations as to where it came from and why it is here as there are as to why its name is Flex.
Flex also makes an appearance as the final boss in SEVENFOLD RPG.
Mapping
A technique used to create structures within the mind, as one might design a building in a computer program. Like a graphics designer, you don't always have to follow the natural laws of physics...
Presk
A commonly-used word. Its origins are as mysteriously elusive as its meaning.
Shadowstalker
The original name for WRAITH, intended to make her sound more formidable and boost her self-confidence. It didn't work.
I want to sleep, but I have to wait for Jennifer to send that email... come on... it's quarter past ten already...
A few random thoughts.
I can still smell your skin.
Okay, maybe just one random thought.
A few things I wish I'd said:
Shut up.
You think you're the only one? Even I'm not the only one.
It depends what you mean by "needs".
Do you have any idea what people think of you?
Excuse me? I just said that just because you're in the same room does NOT mean you're going to sleep with him. How is it even possible to take that the wrong way?
This is the real reason I'm talking to you...
Sorry. Probably should have thought that through a bit before I said it.
To God, there is such a thing as a lost cause.
This site is not user-friendly. Both in that it spontaneously generated infinite tabs, and that the people who use it are intolerably smug bastards.
I know, I was wrong, I KNOW! You don't have to keep rubbing salt in it!
You know, if I didn't already have a girlfriend, and if you weren't more than a year older than me, and if I actually believed in the dating process, then I'd probably ask you out. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, sure.
I'm NOT going to get your daughter pregnant, okay? I love her and I would never do that to her. Besides, I'm a Christian and I don't believe in sex before marriage. I'm a responsible person and so is she, if you just give her the chance to show it. And that goes for Tasha too.
(Yeah, that's horrible.)
Dark
A simplistic form of EVIL. Dark is a basic negative force that exists only to counteract LIGHT. Dark draws all other forms of energy into itself, generating more Dark; it is, in spiritual terms (see SOUL) the part that thinks only of itself, takes everything and gives nothing back. Dark is a prominent SOUL COLOUR in many individuals, but can exist in other forms as well.
Dagon
The sixth NIGHTMARE, and the strongest thus far. To picture Dagon, draw the most horrible, terrifying thing you can imagine. Now colour it in black and put it on a black background under a black light. Add glowing red eyes. Sprinkle a dash of EVIL over the whole thing. That's Dagon.
Flex
The antimatter, the antithesis, the Antichrist, the antieverything. Possibly the physical embodiment of EVIL, or at least DARK; possibly a WORMHOLE that has become antisentinent; possibly just a mutated DEVOURER. Perhaps even the VOID itself. Who can tell? Flex draws everything into itself like some kind of mobile black hole, consuming all it comes into contact with. There are as many speculations as to where it came from and why it is here as there are as to why its name is Flex.
Flex also makes an appearance as the final boss in SEVENFOLD RPG.
Mapping
A technique used to create structures within the mind, as one might design a building in a computer program. Like a graphics designer, you don't always have to follow the natural laws of physics...
Presk
A commonly-used word. Its origins are as mysteriously elusive as its meaning.
Shadowstalker
The original name for WRAITH, intended to make her sound more formidable and boost her self-confidence. It didn't work.
I want to sleep, but I have to wait for Jennifer to send that email... come on... it's quarter past ten already...
A few random thoughts.
I can still smell your skin.
Okay, maybe just one random thought.
A few things I wish I'd said:
Shut up.
You think you're the only one? Even I'm not the only one.
It depends what you mean by "needs".
Do you have any idea what people think of you?
Excuse me? I just said that just because you're in the same room does NOT mean you're going to sleep with him. How is it even possible to take that the wrong way?
This is the real reason I'm talking to you...
Sorry. Probably should have thought that through a bit before I said it.
To God, there is such a thing as a lost cause.
This site is not user-friendly. Both in that it spontaneously generated infinite tabs, and that the people who use it are intolerably smug bastards.
I know, I was wrong, I KNOW! You don't have to keep rubbing salt in it!
You know, if I didn't already have a girlfriend, and if you weren't more than a year older than me, and if I actually believed in the dating process, then I'd probably ask you out. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, sure.
I'm NOT going to get your daughter pregnant, okay? I love her and I would never do that to her. Besides, I'm a Christian and I don't believe in sex before marriage. I'm a responsible person and so is she, if you just give her the chance to show it. And that goes for Tasha too.
(Yeah, that's horrible.)
Oct 15, 2007
I am NOT a vampire
Okay. I'm sick of my life always being up and down, up and down, never just restful. I want to either BE happy or BE sad, not this constant motion. Stability I can live with. And of the two, personally I'd prefer to be happy. So I will now begin Project Crash.
The name is meaningless, and ultimately irrelevant.
So henceforth, or until I am finished:
1. I will not indulge in any acts with any sexual connotations. Even looking at girls the wrong way. In fact, I will do my best not to look at girls at all (although this will be difficult considering which school I go to).
2. I will proceed to write the Encyclopedia Sevenfoldia to help me make sense of my life so far.
3. I will refrain from thinking about my Nightmares, especially Dagon. I will not think about Dagon.
4. I will not listen to Lux Aeterna.
5. I will manage my time effectively.
6. I will not talk about Fight Club.
7. I will get more sleep. That means not staying up until one in the morning playing Minesweeper.
8. I will, to the best of my abilities, avoid looking into people's souls.
9. I will be kinder to people I do not know. And, if possible, the people I do know.
10. I will meditate at least once a day.
11. I will learn to love myself.
12. I will Pulse upon breakage of any of the above rules until the unwanted behavior has subsided.
To any who read this I make this pledge. Hope this works...
Still love you.
The name is meaningless, and ultimately irrelevant.
So henceforth, or until I am finished:
1. I will not indulge in any acts with any sexual connotations. Even looking at girls the wrong way. In fact, I will do my best not to look at girls at all (although this will be difficult considering which school I go to).
2. I will proceed to write the Encyclopedia Sevenfoldia to help me make sense of my life so far.
3. I will refrain from thinking about my Nightmares, especially Dagon. I will not think about Dagon.
4. I will not listen to Lux Aeterna.
5. I will manage my time effectively.
6. I will not talk about Fight Club.
7. I will get more sleep. That means not staying up until one in the morning playing Minesweeper.
8. I will, to the best of my abilities, avoid looking into people's souls.
9. I will be kinder to people I do not know. And, if possible, the people I do know.
10. I will meditate at least once a day.
11. I will learn to love myself.
12. I will Pulse upon breakage of any of the above rules until the unwanted behavior has subsided.
To any who read this I make this pledge. Hope this works...
Still love you.
Oct 13, 2007
Assorted condiments meet Halo 4 and Feathertongue
Okay. This is the reason, in full, that I was late.
It started with tagball. My TKD (that's Tae Kwon Do) club was having a little outing, so we all went playing tagball. Tagball is like paintball, but instead of little plastic balls filled with paint you use little rubber balls. Each game has an objective. If at any point during the game you are shot, you are out. The only armor of any sort you get is a Halo-style helmet and a pouch to hold your balls, which also conveniently shields your balls. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Women got breastplates, which I thought was somewhat unfair. The gun is a simple CO2 propulsion system, with a container at the top to hold the balls. You get no free refills; if you run out of balls you have to pick more up off the floor.
The first two rounds were simple: put both teams in the maze and let them shoot each other. Sadly, those of us on the Red team were completely obliterated by the Greens. This was strange, because the colour of the Reds was actually orange, and the Greens were really yellow. But we chose to ignore this.
The second round was the DoomKey. We had to take the DoomKey to the Green's territory. If we managed this, we won. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned, but after a truly epic battle our one surviving player got the DoomKey into the bunker in the last few seconds of the game. Then it was Green's turn. We set up an excellent defensive strategy, if I do say so myself, but what we didn't count on was the enemy's sniping abilities. I was positioned behind a window, and was firing at the approaching Greens when a single shot flew all the way across the floor, though the window, and collided painfully with my hand. I was dead. Nevertheless, we still won. Later I learned that it was my brother who had fired that one shot.
Round three was Capture the Flag. Hopefully I don't have to explain how this works. In the first round the Greens charged right through, crushing all they met and taking our flag with ease. They returned to their own base triumphantly, only to discover that we had sneakily stolen their own flag in the meantime. In the second round nothing much happened. Green won, I think.
Round four: Mission Impossible. To the side of the maze was an area with a more concentrated layout, and a tiny wall separating the two. This area was called the Graveyard. A bag was hung from a hook above the wall. It was our job to retrieve the bag. But there was a twist; we could not enter the Graveyard - and the Greens couldn't leave it. Both rounds consisted of both teams hiding on opposite sides of opposing walls. No one really had any idea how to proceed. After lots of fire was exchanged we had to stop. Because neither team had come close to winning, it was decided that the winners would be decided by a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Me and my brother faced off... long story short, he won. Damn him and his scissors.
Then, the final round. This was a nasty little game called Assassins. Myself and two others were chosen to be bodyguards for Rob, a horned skull on a pylon. Our job was to protect Rob. If anyone kicked Rob over, we lost. Fortunately, the three of us were INVINCIBLE and could not die, no matter how many times we were shot. So we went and put Rob in a bunker, and were confined to a wide-open space in front of it. We had no cover at all. Now, what's interesting about this is that while we were gone there was a sudden change of rules. Instead of trying to kick over Rob, the new objective was to shoot the bodyguards as much as possible. And so it began. Before we knew what had happened there were shots flying everywhere. At close range too, so these really stung. We fought back hard and took out more than a few, but what do you know! Another spontaneous rule change. It turns out the Assassins could come back from the dead by running to the Graveyard. At first it seemed we were doing all right, but then the shots began to rain down thicker and faster; I took many shots all across the torso, more than one of which is still sore. One ball bounced off my chin, knocking my head back, then seven or eight more cracked against my neck. Beaten, annoyed and running low on balls, I gave up trying to dodge shots and stood at the entrance giving them everything I had. Then a stray shot smashed into my thumb and I dropped my weapon, unable to feel my hand. It was lucky for me the game ended just then.
In a word: OW. But in a good way, you know?
Then we went to dinner. There was a Chinese buffet almost directly across the street that it took us twenty minutes to find. Since I had forgotten to eat lunch (again) I welcomed the opportunity to stuff myself. Yet the whole time I felt horrible; a combination of hunger, cramps, a bit of trapped gas and the fact that I had been shot at least twelve times in the stomach contributed to my feelings of unwellness. Despite that, I still managed to choke down a reasonable-sized meal.
The problems began when Jason found a piece of jello on the bathroom floor and tossed it over a bathroom stall, where on the other side Matt was sitting on the toilet. This led to the Jello Wars, mostly involving gelatin. Somehow this little escapade led to someone trying to discover how much salt could be dissolved in a glass of water. After pouring a considerable amount of salt into it, we ended up passing the glass around the table and having a sip of the now-salty water. I was the only one who liked it. More salt was added. Then someone suggested soy sauce. The sauce was added, along with pepper, sugar, and purple ice cream. No one knew what flavor it was. Then we all passed it around again and had a sip. I was the only one who liked it. Then more ice cream was added, along with ketchup, hot sauce and wasabi. Only the very brave tried this new concoction. The drink became known as the Kamiccino, short for Kamikaze Cappuccino. It was also briefly called the CondimentQuake, the Cappuccino Surprise, or the Black Belt Excellence Special.
Anyway, that's why I was late. Because that has something to do with my lateness... or something.
It started with tagball. My TKD (that's Tae Kwon Do) club was having a little outing, so we all went playing tagball. Tagball is like paintball, but instead of little plastic balls filled with paint you use little rubber balls. Each game has an objective. If at any point during the game you are shot, you are out. The only armor of any sort you get is a Halo-style helmet and a pouch to hold your balls, which also conveniently shields your balls. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Women got breastplates, which I thought was somewhat unfair. The gun is a simple CO2 propulsion system, with a container at the top to hold the balls. You get no free refills; if you run out of balls you have to pick more up off the floor.
The first two rounds were simple: put both teams in the maze and let them shoot each other. Sadly, those of us on the Red team were completely obliterated by the Greens. This was strange, because the colour of the Reds was actually orange, and the Greens were really yellow. But we chose to ignore this.
The second round was the DoomKey. We had to take the DoomKey to the Green's territory. If we managed this, we won. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned, but after a truly epic battle our one surviving player got the DoomKey into the bunker in the last few seconds of the game. Then it was Green's turn. We set up an excellent defensive strategy, if I do say so myself, but what we didn't count on was the enemy's sniping abilities. I was positioned behind a window, and was firing at the approaching Greens when a single shot flew all the way across the floor, though the window, and collided painfully with my hand. I was dead. Nevertheless, we still won. Later I learned that it was my brother who had fired that one shot.
Round three was Capture the Flag. Hopefully I don't have to explain how this works. In the first round the Greens charged right through, crushing all they met and taking our flag with ease. They returned to their own base triumphantly, only to discover that we had sneakily stolen their own flag in the meantime. In the second round nothing much happened. Green won, I think.
Round four: Mission Impossible. To the side of the maze was an area with a more concentrated layout, and a tiny wall separating the two. This area was called the Graveyard. A bag was hung from a hook above the wall. It was our job to retrieve the bag. But there was a twist; we could not enter the Graveyard - and the Greens couldn't leave it. Both rounds consisted of both teams hiding on opposite sides of opposing walls. No one really had any idea how to proceed. After lots of fire was exchanged we had to stop. Because neither team had come close to winning, it was decided that the winners would be decided by a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Me and my brother faced off... long story short, he won. Damn him and his scissors.
Then, the final round. This was a nasty little game called Assassins. Myself and two others were chosen to be bodyguards for Rob, a horned skull on a pylon. Our job was to protect Rob. If anyone kicked Rob over, we lost. Fortunately, the three of us were INVINCIBLE and could not die, no matter how many times we were shot. So we went and put Rob in a bunker, and were confined to a wide-open space in front of it. We had no cover at all. Now, what's interesting about this is that while we were gone there was a sudden change of rules. Instead of trying to kick over Rob, the new objective was to shoot the bodyguards as much as possible. And so it began. Before we knew what had happened there were shots flying everywhere. At close range too, so these really stung. We fought back hard and took out more than a few, but what do you know! Another spontaneous rule change. It turns out the Assassins could come back from the dead by running to the Graveyard. At first it seemed we were doing all right, but then the shots began to rain down thicker and faster; I took many shots all across the torso, more than one of which is still sore. One ball bounced off my chin, knocking my head back, then seven or eight more cracked against my neck. Beaten, annoyed and running low on balls, I gave up trying to dodge shots and stood at the entrance giving them everything I had. Then a stray shot smashed into my thumb and I dropped my weapon, unable to feel my hand. It was lucky for me the game ended just then.
In a word: OW. But in a good way, you know?
Then we went to dinner. There was a Chinese buffet almost directly across the street that it took us twenty minutes to find. Since I had forgotten to eat lunch (again) I welcomed the opportunity to stuff myself. Yet the whole time I felt horrible; a combination of hunger, cramps, a bit of trapped gas and the fact that I had been shot at least twelve times in the stomach contributed to my feelings of unwellness. Despite that, I still managed to choke down a reasonable-sized meal.
The problems began when Jason found a piece of jello on the bathroom floor and tossed it over a bathroom stall, where on the other side Matt was sitting on the toilet. This led to the Jello Wars, mostly involving gelatin. Somehow this little escapade led to someone trying to discover how much salt could be dissolved in a glass of water. After pouring a considerable amount of salt into it, we ended up passing the glass around the table and having a sip of the now-salty water. I was the only one who liked it. More salt was added. Then someone suggested soy sauce. The sauce was added, along with pepper, sugar, and purple ice cream. No one knew what flavor it was. Then we all passed it around again and had a sip. I was the only one who liked it. Then more ice cream was added, along with ketchup, hot sauce and wasabi. Only the very brave tried this new concoction. The drink became known as the Kamiccino, short for Kamikaze Cappuccino. It was also briefly called the CondimentQuake, the Cappuccino Surprise, or the Black Belt Excellence Special.
Anyway, that's why I was late. Because that has something to do with my lateness... or something.
Oct 12, 2007
Electric violins?!?
These are my thoughts for the day.
I guess we are like Steve-O and Olivia, the Next Generation. And yes, Litkid Edition.
I wonder what happened to those two. Last year I never saw the two of them apart. Now they're not on the bus anymore; or if they are, I haven't seen them. I know Steve-O's still around, but he seems depressed. Maybe that's just me, but it's what I think. As for Olivia... I've seen her only once, this very afternoon. She was in a car in the parking lot with a grouchy-looking woman at the wheel. She, too, looked sad.
I know it's none of my business. But you can't help but wonder, eh?
It is said, love others as you love yourself. If you do not love yourself, can you love others? And if you do not love others, can you receive love? In the same way, how can I possibly expect to receive forgiveness if I cannot forgive myself?
Four people on one cello seems excessive. But then, it's art.
No one knows why Dance students have such high status. Why? And why?
I think that's slightly clever.
I think I'm going to draw the Musicians. Maybe then I'll feel better about them.
Danica blew bubbles in my face.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a quite good Elizabethan playwright named William Shakespeare. Beyond that, I haven't a clue.
No dice, Sherlock.
I saw someone today I know. I don't know who she is or how I know her, but I know that I know her. I just don't know how. It's... strange.
These instances of deja-vu are starting to scare me.
I now think that it is part of my Destiny to create a really bad music video.
Epiphanies itch.
Sometimes I think that the world really is just too big, too much, too huge a thing for anyone to understand and it's unfair to expect anyone to try, but then I remember that without chaos there would be no peace, that a hurricane needs an eye to be stable, that balance itself is a constant state of change. Then I get so confused that I forget all about it.
I guess we are like Steve-O and Olivia, the Next Generation. And yes, Litkid Edition.
I wonder what happened to those two. Last year I never saw the two of them apart. Now they're not on the bus anymore; or if they are, I haven't seen them. I know Steve-O's still around, but he seems depressed. Maybe that's just me, but it's what I think. As for Olivia... I've seen her only once, this very afternoon. She was in a car in the parking lot with a grouchy-looking woman at the wheel. She, too, looked sad.
I know it's none of my business. But you can't help but wonder, eh?
It is said, love others as you love yourself. If you do not love yourself, can you love others? And if you do not love others, can you receive love? In the same way, how can I possibly expect to receive forgiveness if I cannot forgive myself?
Four people on one cello seems excessive. But then, it's art.
No one knows why Dance students have such high status. Why? And why?
I think that's slightly clever.
I think I'm going to draw the Musicians. Maybe then I'll feel better about them.
Danica blew bubbles in my face.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a quite good Elizabethan playwright named William Shakespeare. Beyond that, I haven't a clue.
No dice, Sherlock.
I saw someone today I know. I don't know who she is or how I know her, but I know that I know her. I just don't know how. It's... strange.
These instances of deja-vu are starting to scare me.
I now think that it is part of my Destiny to create a really bad music video.
Epiphanies itch.
Sometimes I think that the world really is just too big, too much, too huge a thing for anyone to understand and it's unfair to expect anyone to try, but then I remember that without chaos there would be no peace, that a hurricane needs an eye to be stable, that balance itself is a constant state of change. Then I get so confused that I forget all about it.
Oct 11, 2007
All I want is to Rock Your Soul
I've learned many things today.
Sarah Jane Smith has moved in. She's a mannequin, of course, but out of the corner of my eye I can see her turning her head to look at me. I wish she would stop that.
It turns out rumours spread faster than melted butter off a knife the size of Antarctica. Like I care.
Yes, I am terrible with goodbyes. But to me, saying goodbye just emphasizes separation. If you don't admit that you're apart it's easier to believe that you're still together.
The music was wonderful. Now I'm aware of how I perceive it it takes on a different meaning for me.
The cat is very upset. Being washed twice in one day didn't help.
My legs ache. It's hard to sit down. I hope they get better.
I think the story of my life should be an RPG.
There's more. But it's late and I'm tired. Goodnight.
Sarah Jane Smith has moved in. She's a mannequin, of course, but out of the corner of my eye I can see her turning her head to look at me. I wish she would stop that.
It turns out rumours spread faster than melted butter off a knife the size of Antarctica. Like I care.
Yes, I am terrible with goodbyes. But to me, saying goodbye just emphasizes separation. If you don't admit that you're apart it's easier to believe that you're still together.
The music was wonderful. Now I'm aware of how I perceive it it takes on a different meaning for me.
The cat is very upset. Being washed twice in one day didn't help.
My legs ache. It's hard to sit down. I hope they get better.
I think the story of my life should be an RPG.
There's more. But it's late and I'm tired. Goodnight.
Oct 10, 2007
WTM?
Doctor says I have synesthesia. Wow. I had no idea there were scientific names for these things. It's supposed to be comparatively common. One in two to twenty-five thousand people doesn't seem very common to me.
I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, it's no news to me... but still, having my very thought process classified as abnormal (at least when I'm not expecting it) is... shall we say... distancing? That's the wrong word. Um. Anyway, it's strange to now know that I'm slightly different in a way that I've always considered normal.
For those of you who don't know, well that's probably most everyone, synesthesia is in basic terms an inappropriate sensory stimulus caused by certain forms of perception. In my case, I see sounds, particularly music, in shapes and colours. Some people see the colours of letters or can taste words.
There's no known cure or treatment for it, which is fine I guess because there's no known reason for it to cured or treated. Synesthetes pretty much live normal lives.
What's strange is I see colours in people too... maybe I should have mentioned I'm an empath? Nah... the two are unrelated. They must be. Um...
So yeah...
I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, it's no news to me... but still, having my very thought process classified as abnormal (at least when I'm not expecting it) is... shall we say... distancing? That's the wrong word. Um. Anyway, it's strange to now know that I'm slightly different in a way that I've always considered normal.
For those of you who don't know, well that's probably most everyone, synesthesia is in basic terms an inappropriate sensory stimulus caused by certain forms of perception. In my case, I see sounds, particularly music, in shapes and colours. Some people see the colours of letters or can taste words.
There's no known cure or treatment for it, which is fine I guess because there's no known reason for it to cured or treated. Synesthetes pretty much live normal lives.
What's strange is I see colours in people too... maybe I should have mentioned I'm an empath? Nah... the two are unrelated. They must be. Um...
So yeah...
Science vs. Civics vs. Rogue Fairy
I don't have much time today, so I'll give you a quote (a long quote) from one of my favorite books, Bad Monkeys, by Matt Ruff.
“You want me to say that Whitmer couldn't have been the Angel of Death, is that it?”
“Doesn't that seem like a reasonable conclusion?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he was the Angel of Death.”
“Well if that's the case, how do you explain this last victim?”
“I don't.”
“You mean you can't.”
“It's a Nod problem,” she says.
“An odd problem?”
“A Nod problem. You know, the land of Nod, east of Eden, in the Bible?”
“I know the reference, but...”
“Cain kills his brother Abel," she says, "and God sets him wondering in the wilderness as a punishment. Cain ends up in Nod, where he settles and gets married. Which is a problem, logically, because Adam and Eve are supposed to be the first people on earth, and as far as we know, Cain and Abel are their only children. So where did this wife come from?
“Now, people who don't believe in the Bible tend to think the Nod problem is a big deal. Like for example, there was this one guy my mother dated one time for a couple months, Roger, who was this totally rabid atheist, and he used to pick on Phil-”
“Your brother was religious?” The doctor asks.
“In a little-boy kind of way. My mother was raised Lutheran, and even though she didn't really believe, she took us to church because she thought it would be good for us. I stopped going as soon as I was old enough to say no, but Phil really got into it. Said his prayers every day, the whole bit. So along comes Roger, and he's constantly razzing Phil about inconsistencies in the Scripture. 'Hey Phil, it says here in the Gospels that Judas hanged himself because he was sorry for betraying Christ. But it says in Acts that Judas wasn't sorry, and he died when his stomach exploded. How come there are two different versions of the story?' Or, 'Hey Phil, if all the disciples fell asleep in the garden of Gethsemane, how did Matthew know what Jesus said in his prayer?' The Nod problem, though, that was his favorite. 'Hey Phil, it says that God put a mark on Cain to warn other people not to harm him. What other people, Phil? His parents? The same ones who didn't listen when God told them not to eat the fruit?'”
“And how did Phil respond?”
“Well like I said before, Phil was a big-time nitpicker himself, so at first he kind of got into it. He tried to play along, only Roger wasn't playing. Roger would shoot down every explanation Phil came up with, until finally Phil had to admit that he didn't have an answer, and then Roger would say, 'So does that mean you're going to give up this Bible nonsense?' and Phil would say, 'No.' and Roger would say, 'That's because religion makes people stupid.'”
“And what did you think of that?”
“Oh, I definitely think religion makes people stupid," she says. "But Roger was still a hypocrite.”
“Why a hypocrite?”
“Because the Nod problem didn't have anything to do with him being an atheist. If the Bible had been perfectly consistent, he still wouldn't have believed a word of it. His mind was made up, and pointing out contradictions was just a way of being smug – and meanwhile, he completely missed where Phil was coming from.
“Phil did believe in the Bible. And part of believing that the Bible is true is believing that any problems in the text have solutions. Actually knowing what those solutions are isn't important. It's like, just because I can't tell you what killed the dinosaurs doesn't mean they aren't extinct. And so to Phil, looking at it from that perspective, it was Roger who was being unreasonable. So Phil didn't know where Cain's wife came from. So what?
“And it's the same with this.” She waves a hand at the papers in front of her. “Don't pretend this is some sort of objective inquiry for you. You've decided what you believe. All you're doing now is looking for a club to beat me with until I agree to see things your way.”
“Jane...”
“But that's not going to happen. I know my story is true. If something doesn't add up for you, we can discuss it, but don't try to blow a little discrepancy out of proportion. It's just a Nod problem.”
“Well, you're putting me in a difficult position,” the doctor says. “If you won't let me question the inconsistencies in your account-”
“You can question them. I just said we could discuss it.”
“But you're unwilling to entertain any real doubt.”
“Which makes us even,” she says. “Just like Phil and Roger.”
“You want me to say that Whitmer couldn't have been the Angel of Death, is that it?”
“Doesn't that seem like a reasonable conclusion?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he was the Angel of Death.”
“Well if that's the case, how do you explain this last victim?”
“I don't.”
“You mean you can't.”
“It's a Nod problem,” she says.
“An odd problem?”
“A Nod problem. You know, the land of Nod, east of Eden, in the Bible?”
“I know the reference, but...”
“Cain kills his brother Abel," she says, "and God sets him wondering in the wilderness as a punishment. Cain ends up in Nod, where he settles and gets married. Which is a problem, logically, because Adam and Eve are supposed to be the first people on earth, and as far as we know, Cain and Abel are their only children. So where did this wife come from?
“Now, people who don't believe in the Bible tend to think the Nod problem is a big deal. Like for example, there was this one guy my mother dated one time for a couple months, Roger, who was this totally rabid atheist, and he used to pick on Phil-”
“Your brother was religious?” The doctor asks.
“In a little-boy kind of way. My mother was raised Lutheran, and even though she didn't really believe, she took us to church because she thought it would be good for us. I stopped going as soon as I was old enough to say no, but Phil really got into it. Said his prayers every day, the whole bit. So along comes Roger, and he's constantly razzing Phil about inconsistencies in the Scripture. 'Hey Phil, it says here in the Gospels that Judas hanged himself because he was sorry for betraying Christ. But it says in Acts that Judas wasn't sorry, and he died when his stomach exploded. How come there are two different versions of the story?' Or, 'Hey Phil, if all the disciples fell asleep in the garden of Gethsemane, how did Matthew know what Jesus said in his prayer?' The Nod problem, though, that was his favorite. 'Hey Phil, it says that God put a mark on Cain to warn other people not to harm him. What other people, Phil? His parents? The same ones who didn't listen when God told them not to eat the fruit?'”
“And how did Phil respond?”
“Well like I said before, Phil was a big-time nitpicker himself, so at first he kind of got into it. He tried to play along, only Roger wasn't playing. Roger would shoot down every explanation Phil came up with, until finally Phil had to admit that he didn't have an answer, and then Roger would say, 'So does that mean you're going to give up this Bible nonsense?' and Phil would say, 'No.' and Roger would say, 'That's because religion makes people stupid.'”
“And what did you think of that?”
“Oh, I definitely think religion makes people stupid," she says. "But Roger was still a hypocrite.”
“Why a hypocrite?”
“Because the Nod problem didn't have anything to do with him being an atheist. If the Bible had been perfectly consistent, he still wouldn't have believed a word of it. His mind was made up, and pointing out contradictions was just a way of being smug – and meanwhile, he completely missed where Phil was coming from.
“Phil did believe in the Bible. And part of believing that the Bible is true is believing that any problems in the text have solutions. Actually knowing what those solutions are isn't important. It's like, just because I can't tell you what killed the dinosaurs doesn't mean they aren't extinct. And so to Phil, looking at it from that perspective, it was Roger who was being unreasonable. So Phil didn't know where Cain's wife came from. So what?
“And it's the same with this.” She waves a hand at the papers in front of her. “Don't pretend this is some sort of objective inquiry for you. You've decided what you believe. All you're doing now is looking for a club to beat me with until I agree to see things your way.”
“Jane...”
“But that's not going to happen. I know my story is true. If something doesn't add up for you, we can discuss it, but don't try to blow a little discrepancy out of proportion. It's just a Nod problem.”
“Well, you're putting me in a difficult position,” the doctor says. “If you won't let me question the inconsistencies in your account-”
“You can question them. I just said we could discuss it.”
“But you're unwilling to entertain any real doubt.”
“Which makes us even,” she says. “Just like Phil and Roger.”
Oct 9, 2007
Unstoppable, indisputable King of the Munchkins
Today I feel like telling a joke. At the risk of being unpopular, this has always been one of my favorites.
A redneck farmer had three daughters who were about to go on their first dates. Being extremely protective of them, he decided to meet their suitors at the door with his shotgun in hand.
So the first guy rings the doorbell, and when the farmer answers he says "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're off to the show, is she ready to go?" So the farmer thinks, Yeah, he's okay, and sends the two of them on their way.
So then the second guy arrives, and when the farmer answers the door he says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" So the farmer thinks, Yeah, he's okay too, and he sends the two of them on their way.
So then the third guy shows up, and when the farmer answers the door he says "Hi, I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shoots him.
A redneck farmer had three daughters who were about to go on their first dates. Being extremely protective of them, he decided to meet their suitors at the door with his shotgun in hand.
So the first guy rings the doorbell, and when the farmer answers he says "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're off to the show, is she ready to go?" So the farmer thinks, Yeah, he's okay, and sends the two of them on their way.
So then the second guy arrives, and when the farmer answers the door he says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" So the farmer thinks, Yeah, he's okay too, and he sends the two of them on their way.
So then the third guy shows up, and when the farmer answers the door he says "Hi, I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shoots him.
Oct 7, 2007
I'm okay (trust me [no seriously])
I'm almost sorry I wrote it now.
That doesn't make it any less true. But it has to be worth something.
I wonder what I'm afraid of.
Perhaps the test of time. Maybe that those three little words will be overused until they become meaningless. Can ecstasy become normalcy? I know that it can. Yet... is that even a bad thing? What do I even mean? Perhaps simply that I might forget.
Do you know that in a network of mushrooms there are more connections than in a human brain? There is no reason why mushrooms cannot act like a brain themselves. In fact, it's very likely that mushrooms are conscious and even aware in a way beyond our comprehension. And there's a giant network of fungus three miles wide... imagine a brain three miles wide. Think about it.
How much smarter are mushrooms than us?
That doesn't make it any less true. But it has to be worth something.
I wonder what I'm afraid of.
Perhaps the test of time. Maybe that those three little words will be overused until they become meaningless. Can ecstasy become normalcy? I know that it can. Yet... is that even a bad thing? What do I even mean? Perhaps simply that I might forget.
Do you know that in a network of mushrooms there are more connections than in a human brain? There is no reason why mushrooms cannot act like a brain themselves. In fact, it's very likely that mushrooms are conscious and even aware in a way beyond our comprehension. And there's a giant network of fungus three miles wide... imagine a brain three miles wide. Think about it.
How much smarter are mushrooms than us?
Oct 6, 2007
Scream of the Empath
World.
I was the world, I am the world.
I see it all.
I see you.
I see...
Souls.
Darkness descending from the sky
Despair, decay, all rotted lives
Ghosts flittering, claws tearing
through the fleshless skin
All the world
Invisible agony, twisted spirit
I know how we have fallen
SCREAM
Army of pain, always...
unspoken.
Glowing souls that float within
Innocence unwanted always lost
Unwitting suicide
Blazing light reach out to Heaven
Rotted lives confined to Hate
All inside, all waiting
All forgotten, unknown immortals
Unwilling to listen
Unacceptable.
BURN THE MESSENGER
Fear of the unknown
of the known
of the imagined
Praise for strength, also unreal
Triumph is agony
Scars not from battle
Scorn, it cannot be real
Prophets no longer exist
Playing pretend in light of the world
Pity overwhelming
For others, for all
For truth, for untruth, and all between
Rainbows of black and white
Crushed by emotion
PUSH BACK
It's a matter of equilibrium
You know where I'm coming from
Darkness, Light and Greyscale shadows
Holy Words and Forbidden Power
Speed and exhilaration
Peace and silence
Chaos surrounds, the war goes on
Across the Worlds, inside each soul
ALL
Spin, crash, bang and flash
Trickle brook to monster mash
Dungeon to palace, mountain to rubble
Skulls of the young ground beneath our feet
Love or lust or limerence
Life or death or purgatory
YHVH, Pandemonium
Top to bottom
Van Morrison, Rhapsody of Fire
Bugs the bunny, Frank the rabbit
Big Bang, Big Crunch
Titan, Sol and Gabriel
Clash, crush, smash destroy
From worlds to hearts
just
STOP
Life is love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life...
All things.
Just stop. Stop. Stop it all.
No more.
No whirlwind of emotions.
No pleasure, no pain.
Just let it stop.
.
I was the world, I am the world.
I see it all.
I see you.
I see...
Souls.
Darkness descending from the sky
Despair, decay, all rotted lives
Ghosts flittering, claws tearing
through the fleshless skin
All the world
Invisible agony, twisted spirit
I know how we have fallen
SCREAM
Army of pain, always...
unspoken.
Glowing souls that float within
Innocence unwanted always lost
Unwitting suicide
Blazing light reach out to Heaven
Rotted lives confined to Hate
All inside, all waiting
All forgotten, unknown immortals
Unwilling to listen
Unacceptable.
BURN THE MESSENGER
Fear of the unknown
of the known
of the imagined
Praise for strength, also unreal
Triumph is agony
Scars not from battle
Scorn, it cannot be real
Prophets no longer exist
Playing pretend in light of the world
Pity overwhelming
For others, for all
For truth, for untruth, and all between
Rainbows of black and white
Crushed by emotion
PUSH BACK
It's a matter of equilibrium
You know where I'm coming from
Darkness, Light and Greyscale shadows
Holy Words and Forbidden Power
Speed and exhilaration
Peace and silence
Chaos surrounds, the war goes on
Across the Worlds, inside each soul
ALL
Spin, crash, bang and flash
Trickle brook to monster mash
Dungeon to palace, mountain to rubble
Skulls of the young ground beneath our feet
Love or lust or limerence
Life or death or purgatory
YHVH, Pandemonium
Top to bottom
Van Morrison, Rhapsody of Fire
Bugs the bunny, Frank the rabbit
Big Bang, Big Crunch
Titan, Sol and Gabriel
Clash, crush, smash destroy
From worlds to hearts
just
STOP
Life is love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life is also love.
Life is also pain.
Life...
All things.
Just stop. Stop. Stop it all.
No more.
No whirlwind of emotions.
No pleasure, no pain.
Just let it stop.
.
Oct 5, 2007
Dark Cut
Today was weird.
I slept well. It was because of the blackout. I sleep better when there are no lights. I like blackouts. We played Munchkin by candlelight. It was fun.
Today, though, I had both a Really Terrible Moment and a Perfect Moment. In the same day. That just about never happens. About as often as I dream...
The RTM happened outside.
I've never felt so helpless.
She said it wasn't my fault. I don't want to believe her, but I know I do. I promised I wouldn't hurt her. I promised I wouldn't hurt anyone ever again. Seeing her that way was agony.
I shouldn't have touched her. I knew it.
She knows how I feel about pills, yet she dared to mention them to my face.
Maybe we didn't have the understanding I thought we did.
It was that look...
NO HOPE
The PM was much later.
Perfect Moments have always been so rare. I think in my whole life I've had five. I think. It's hard to say.
"You make me happy."
It was dark, but I could see her face. She was smiling. I could see only happiness in her eyes.
People think perfection is big. Perfection is very small. Then you peer inside it and see the world.
She was smiling.
But it wasn't hope. It was the point when hope is no longer needed.
JOY
Sometimes I think I live off other people's emotions. That I have none of my own. I know I am happy when she is happy. When people are concerned I am concerned. When I feel hate... Have you ever cried for people you've never met? I have. It burned, it hurt so much... so much...
When I close my eyes I can still smell her hair.
I slept well. It was because of the blackout. I sleep better when there are no lights. I like blackouts. We played Munchkin by candlelight. It was fun.
Today, though, I had both a Really Terrible Moment and a Perfect Moment. In the same day. That just about never happens. About as often as I dream...
The RTM happened outside.
I've never felt so helpless.
She said it wasn't my fault. I don't want to believe her, but I know I do. I promised I wouldn't hurt her. I promised I wouldn't hurt anyone ever again. Seeing her that way was agony.
I shouldn't have touched her. I knew it.
She knows how I feel about pills, yet she dared to mention them to my face.
Maybe we didn't have the understanding I thought we did.
It was that look...
NO HOPE
The PM was much later.
Perfect Moments have always been so rare. I think in my whole life I've had five. I think. It's hard to say.
"You make me happy."
It was dark, but I could see her face. She was smiling. I could see only happiness in her eyes.
People think perfection is big. Perfection is very small. Then you peer inside it and see the world.
She was smiling.
But it wasn't hope. It was the point when hope is no longer needed.
JOY
Sometimes I think I live off other people's emotions. That I have none of my own. I know I am happy when she is happy. When people are concerned I am concerned. When I feel hate... Have you ever cried for people you've never met? I have. It burned, it hurt so much... so much...
When I close my eyes I can still smell her hair.
Oct 3, 2007
Thyngs that gro
Our tree has had a baby tree. It's really little. It looks like a bush at first, but then you notice it's got exactly the same leaves as its mother. Insofar as a tree can be cute, it's cute.
I couldn't write this earlier. I guess I needed time to cool off.
"I don't like this tree," I said, drawing my hand away from the waves of unhappiness that radiated off of it. No one else seemed to notice. A rhythmic chant went up. It was soothing. Relaxing. You could almost feel yourself slipping away, and I knew everyone else in the circle was feeling it as well.
Then, a jolt. Everyone was startled, of course. She explained briefly that all their negative energy had gone into the tree. What she didn't know is that it worked. Such energy can be projected; I guess I'm not the living proof of it. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of pity, I touched the tree again and tried to feel it.
All of a sudden I felt awful.
A feeling of depression and anxiety swept over me like a wave of night. I was so... tired. And hurt. And worried. And I guess the tree was feeling better.
Ask me to explain it? I can't. At least, not so anyone could understand it.
I couldn't write this earlier. I guess I needed time to cool off.
"I don't like this tree," I said, drawing my hand away from the waves of unhappiness that radiated off of it. No one else seemed to notice. A rhythmic chant went up. It was soothing. Relaxing. You could almost feel yourself slipping away, and I knew everyone else in the circle was feeling it as well.
Then, a jolt. Everyone was startled, of course. She explained briefly that all their negative energy had gone into the tree. What she didn't know is that it worked. Such energy can be projected; I guess I'm not the living proof of it. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of pity, I touched the tree again and tried to feel it.
All of a sudden I felt awful.
A feeling of depression and anxiety swept over me like a wave of night. I was so... tired. And hurt. And worried. And I guess the tree was feeling better.
Ask me to explain it? I can't. At least, not so anyone could understand it.
Oct 2, 2007
Not a pipe organ goodbye
I used to think that love was constant bliss. That every touch was like a shiver of electricity, every word like the singing of angels, every kiss orgasmic. And maybe that's what I looked for.
I know now I was wrong.
Love is... simple. Deeper. Just a feeling of right; that when her hand is in mine the world is at peace and my mind is finally at rest. It's not like an alien entity coming into your life and making everything perfect, it's like a part of you that feels like it belongs, like you've never been complete until now. I don't really know how to explain it.
It's like the difference between a couple who have wild, sweaty sex all night and the ones who slowly make love and fall asleep in each others arms. A somewhat explicit analogy, but one that's effective (and perhaps even appropriate).
I won't say I've never felt "true" love before; to do so would be to make a mockery of the memories of the ones I loved. It's just never been fully realized, never fully accepted.
And now... I want to say it, scream it from the rooftops, figuratively, tell the world
So it's to you I dedicate the song-stuck-in-my-head of the day.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EbJtYqBYCV8
And Ger, I'm not talking about you.
I know now I was wrong.
Love is... simple. Deeper. Just a feeling of right; that when her hand is in mine the world is at peace and my mind is finally at rest. It's not like an alien entity coming into your life and making everything perfect, it's like a part of you that feels like it belongs, like you've never been complete until now. I don't really know how to explain it.
It's like the difference between a couple who have wild, sweaty sex all night and the ones who slowly make love and fall asleep in each others arms. A somewhat explicit analogy, but one that's effective (and perhaps even appropriate).
I won't say I've never felt "true" love before; to do so would be to make a mockery of the memories of the ones I loved. It's just never been fully realized, never fully accepted.
And now... I want to say it, scream it from the rooftops, figuratively, tell the world
I LOVE YOU
but for now I've been content to whisper it in your ear. I love you. And I honestly believe that we can stay together throughout school and beyond, and someday get married, and maybe have that daughter I've always dreamed of. If that's what you want.So it's to you I dedicate the song-stuck-in-my-head of the day.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EbJtYqBYCV8
And Ger, I'm not talking about you.
Oct 1, 2007
Statistics demand that this post be short
An old man, David Snyder, was brutally beaten by a cop by order of the mayor of Roseland, Indiana. David was innocent. Anyone can see that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvI-68nPbyA
But what really bothers this is no one knows about it. You know how I found out about this? A Youtube video, claiming that all videos of the incident were being removed due to a "copyright claim". The videos in question actually violated no copyright laws. This video had only escaped removal because it did not show the video in question, only drew attention to it. It was removed two days after I saw it.
The media don't want us to know about the incident. Why not?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvI-68nPbyA
But what really bothers this is no one knows about it. You know how I found out about this? A Youtube video, claiming that all videos of the incident were being removed due to a "copyright claim". The videos in question actually violated no copyright laws. This video had only escaped removal because it did not show the video in question, only drew attention to it. It was removed two days after I saw it.
The media don't want us to know about the incident. Why not?
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