A song about pork

Milo is downstairs now. I suppose it's better for everyone this way. No more ticking noises from his timers, more space on the desk, don't have to worry about light, easier to feed him, curtains, etc etc. And he's still my lizard, no one elses. Still though... awwwww!!!

My throat was slit. Even though I was unconscious my hand leaped to my neck and I began to thrash around, falling to the floor and writing uncontrollably until I came, twitching, to a stop. The girls screamed. Holly lay where I left her on the couch. I don't know who was holding the knife at the time. My eyes were closed. I can't believe Riley was responsible for it. At least he burned along with the others.

Let's see... That's Duke, Sky, his girlfriend, Mr. Turner, Bryan the bounty hunter, that girl, Dr. Frank, Lola, Alfonso and Albert dead. Nikki, Pete, emo guy, emo girl, Rose, Dr. Penguin, Phil and that guy's sister fall in love. The wedding planner has been knocked out, Bob and Joe think they're murdered three people, the baseball player has been arrested because of his two daughters, and the detective has mysteriously vanished... hmm...

A song about pork (from Weebls-stuff.com):

Pork! It's the meat of kings,
It's made from pig dried with onion rings
Pork sure goes with everything
Cause it's made from swine
That's why it sure tastes fine
Just bring some to the picnic baby
You know you want to stuff it in my hamper
But please put it in some tupperware
Cause I don't want to be a porky chap
Let's talk about pork, converse about meat
Veggies need wedgies cause meat can't be beat!
Ham ham bacon you should taste them
I know it's surprising but it's so appetizing!

There seems to be an annoying double-space feature here that I don't know how to turn off.

As someone said: Save energy. Shower with your girlfriend XD

Nothing to say today

Skreeakch! Inflamed arm and ice angel

This stupid thing cuts me off at 9:30 instead of 10:00 for some reason. Since I've run out of time, I'll be posting today's post tomorrow.

K. This video is taking forever to upload. Instead, have an AMV I found.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYG55UH0hxc

I still don't know what AMV stands for. Animated Music Video? Makes sense.

Ana and Kata are the two fourth-dimensional cardinal directions. Left, right, up, down, forward, backward, ana and kata. They're also the names of my lead characters in the play I'm writing. Ana and Kata (not necessarily a love story) stars Annie AKA Ana and Kate AKA Kata, two sisters. There's something not quite right about them. Other than that, my ideas have somewhat run dry. I need inspiration.

Today has been a Hot day. I have Hot days and Cold days. Neither is particularly better than the other by definition. Hot days are fast-paced, dramatic and full of energy, while Cold days are slow, meticulous and emotional. It's been awhile since the last Hot day.

Here's the story so far:

Two heartbroken characters (slightly stalkerish) are attending a support group for the brokenhearted in the somewhat vain hope that their loves will be looking for them there, despite not having seen or heard from them in three/seven years respectively. They are both so anxious they arrive half an hour early. Dr. Frank, whom the surgeon has previously operated on, suggests that the two go out for coffee together.

Meanwhile, at Pete's Coffee, a pretty girl has walked in and ordered a hot chocolate. The CEO of a local company strolls in, gets some coffee, and tried to make small talk. Pete, the owner of the coffeeshop, is also attracted to the pretty girl and sits directly between them. The pair begin arguing over who is the better man, ending with the CEO insulting his coffee and then pouring it over Pete's head. Pete retaliates. The pair agree to go outside and fight.

Rose, a surly teenager trying to annoy her mother, has a date with a guy in a penguin suit. He wears it because he works at the zoo, and it's kind of become part of who he is. Rose is at first shocked, but soon warms to the idea of a penguin suit (her mother will be horrified). So, she quickly invites him home to meet her parents. They get into his special penguin car, borrowed from the zoo just for the occasion, and start driving. Feeling romantic, penguin suit guy puts his arm around Rose, but she stops him by putting out her cigarette on his suit leg. Unfortunately the suit catches fire, followed by the entire car.

An undercover detective is interviewing a model, Lola, for a photoshoot for Vogue magasine. He suspects her to be a Black Widow, a seductress who murders her boyfriends one after the other. As the interview progresses he becomes more and more uncomfortable and Lola becomes more and more, shall we say, physical.

Meanwhile, two musclemen, Bob and Joe, are working out in the gym and talking about the clubs they're going to tonight. Joe tries to lift a particularly heavy weight, but almost drops it on his neck. Bob detects something strange about the weight, specifically "it smells like that girl I dated last night." They decide to inspect the surveillance videos for the gym. There they discover a video of Lola doing something to the weight.

Two goth teenagers are sitting in a basement. One lives there, the other works at a funeral home. They've put videos of themselves on a dating website, just to see what will happen. Suddenly, a message pops up, telling them that a perfect match has been found. Guess what? They're the matches for each other.

A grubby beer-drinking bounty hunter is visiting a gun show. He's been given the task of killing Duke Ironbolt, and he needs a gun to do it. A surly girl tells him she can get him the one he needs, but it'll be expensive. They agree to split the money he gets from killing Duke.

Not too far away, Duke is visiting his extremely rich father, who is cruising a dating website. When Duke inquires how the clock shop is doing, his father tells him he's left it all to his brother. Enraged (or at least mildly annoyed), Duke spots the woman his father's talking to on the dating website and decides to get his revenge by stealing her heart. The two set off to visit her.
Meanwhile, the girl in question and her boyfriend are plotting how they're going to steal this old man's fortunes by seducing him over a dating website. The boyfriend, Sky, is unhappy about her lack of commitment to him, but decides to hold on for the money.

Alfonso, the Spanish bodyguard and butcher, is planning a wedding for himself. He's instructed his inept wedding planner and his reluctant assistant to find him a bride for Friday - or else. Desperate, the unlucky pair go to force the planner's sister to fall in love with Alfonso.
A famous baseball player receives a note from a girl telling him to meet her at the train station. Once there, he finds her to be a fourteen-year-old girl. After being shot several times by the peanut gallery he tries to leave, until she reveals herself to be his daughter from Alabama. He is surprised, then decides to take the girl and her sister to a baseball game to make up for the past fourteen years.

I think that's everyone...

Crazy or impaired? as if you ever cared

Last night I had spasms again. I was near sleep. It's been a long time since I used to have them. This one scared me. Twisting, writhing, moaning as though in agony, though to my knowledge there was no reason for it. No reason at all. Maybe it's just a seasonal thing; I last had them around this time last year.

I feel lost. All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces...

The other day I felt the mist of thought. At least that's what I thought it was. I felt like I could see the ripples people make in reality, like waves of water flowing through cream. I moved my fingers and felt my own patterns change. Then I looked around and saw everyone, everything, and the complexities of the worldwide pattern made me feel faint. Even the contents of a single room is enough to overwhelm me. I guess there's a reason humans on the whole can't sense these things; it's too much for out 3-dimensional, single-plane minds to handle.

Also, I've got an idea for a play. Or at least the start. Or middle. We'll see how it goes.

I've been reminded of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0RAKVjFKRc

No white rabbits, but never mind eh?

Grace like Rain, Eyes like Hail

I have a serious craving for some popadons right now.

I've been playing far too much IWBTG. It's six now and I've done less than half my work. I've taken procrastination to an art form. No sleep tonight, I see...

That, and I think my love is sad again. Another crazy poem, the kind when you can't quite tell whether it's a poem or a rant. Kind of like another Scream of the Empath. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish we could just be happy. Sometimes I feel like achieving happiness is impossible and I just want to go all crazy-emo and slash my skin until there's nothing left to feel the pain anymore... but that's not an option. I must now force myself to listen to a happy song until I cheer up. One in particular springs to mind...

Or maybe I'll write a happy song. I don't know.

I wonder how I'll be remembered in life.

Rise of the underwhatsit

I've decided on a name for my new Drama character. He's going to be called Duke Ironbolt. Not only am I doing a change from female characters, but for once I'm playing a real high-status go-getter with a "way" with the ladies. I've been looking forward to playing someone like this for ages.

Chris and I are finally going to learn to play Warhammer. Maybe sometime I'll actually finish the models I've got lying around. I'm not actually that good a painter - even Chris is better than me - but I stand by my conviction that I'm the best strategist by far. I play the Tyranids, whose motto, if they had one, would be "strength in numbers". With a few more sets of Gaunts I'll be unstoppable. Actually what I really need are Zoanthropes. They can take down a tank with a single Warp Blast power. Then I'll be truly unstoppable. Chris, by comparison, plays the Chaos Space Marines, who are much fewer in number but are much stronger than any of my Tyranids. I have a feeling he's not going to make this easy for me...

In other news, I'm blogging, minesweeping, and IWannaBeTheGuy-ing when I should be doing homework. Maybe I'll go practice the piano. Yeah.

Cherries don't fall up

Well. I have some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is that I now have a restriction on when I can access the internet. I can't view any web pages after 10:00. Harsh? I guess it makes sense after my 3:00 stint the other night. Well, easy come, easy go.

But the good news is... I now have some footage of actual gameplay (my gameplay) of I Wanna Be The Guy, the hardest game on the internet! If this works, I'll start starting my posts with one of the clips I've made. I assure you, quality will improve. Unfortunately I don't think it's possible to have more than one video per post. Still though! Prepare yourself for adventure and excitement like none before!

Note: I did not make IWBTG. I downloaded it from http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/ . I assure you the download is safe, even if it slows up your computer for awhile. It's also a work in progress, so if you're interested be sure to check for updates.

EDIT: Wow, these things take a long time to load. This had better be worth it.

ANOTHER EDIT: You'll probably want to turn the volume up. I'm working on that as well.

Most excelent and not at all heinous

Science seems to be the best time to write. I wonder why.

Honeysuckle dreams of darkness and teeth
but no time for that now.

Cornsilver laughs as the seeds of the dandelions blow in the wind
it was him who ripped them out

Tigerlilly prowls in the shadows of the potted plants
stalking her food but with no teeth to eat it

Weeping Willow wails as he traces the water
dragging the world down to an untimely grave

Clementine bounces in the singing sunlight
skipping and laughing in the heat of play

Sparrowgrass watches as the sun spins round him
safe in the dark of the timeless ground

I watch the little demons play in the fading light
before I too succumb to darkness

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Laws_of_Anime_Physics

There are times when I wish I was a superhero. Even one like Dragon Ball Z. Just to be full of so much energy that it explodes off of you in waves. That would be incredible. And the ability to fly, and make beams of energy fly out of my hands, and teleport, and save the world. I think everyone dreams of being a superhero sometimes.
But how many people actually have these abilities? none. People can do strange things, but no one can fly, or has super strength, or is truly psychic, or anything. We have powers, just not superpowers. Much as we dream of it, no one can physically do anything to single-handedly change the world.

In light of this newly-remembered dream, it's time to take stock of what powers I do have.

1. The ability to think in five dimensions (four spatial and time or five spatial)

2. The ability to sense auras

3. The ability to write

4. The ability to see all issues from every viewpoint

5. The ability to communicate internally

6. The ability to toast waffles

7. The ability to comprehend mezzophysics and the three planes of reality

8. The ability to wear someone elses face

9. The ability to soulshatter

Some of these probably require some explanation.

First, the five dimensions. Thinking in three dimensions is simply a habit we get into, like thinking in a decimal system of numbers. (That's base 10.) If you can switch your understanding of numbers to dodecimal, base 12, you have the potential to think in more dimensions. I can only picture it temporarily before switching back to decimal, but the fact that I understand the concept opens up my mind a huge amount. After that it's a simple matter of mentally designing a hypercube, then a pentacube, and then taking it from there.

Auras are emanated from every living creature, and a few nonliving. People, having souls, have the strongest, but anything that emotion can be passed onto in any way can retain an aura for an indefinite amount of time. Pets, trees, stuffed animals, even buildings can all become hosts for drifting fragments of auras. This is why some houses can become haunted, or some nonliving things can take on semblance of life; although this is very complex and not really worth getting into right now.

My previous posts explain mezzophysics fairly well, I think.

To wear someone's face is a metaphor. Obviously. This is what some may call astral projection, but I prefer to think of it as soulriding. Basically I concentrate on a person's aura until I feel it fill me, carry me, and then I ride along it until I arrive at the persons body. You could call this getting under their skin. While I still occupy my body, I also sense secondary senses, thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I refer to it as wearing someone's face because everyones' face feels different compared to my own. You don't notice until you've tried wearing someone elses'.

Soulshattering is a fairly new concept. It is in simple terms a psychic blast (an energy beam, if you will) that may or may not interfere with other auras. It's speculated that if concentrated in the right way it could permanently cripple a soul; although this is purely hypothetical, and in any case impossible to test.

Quote of the Day:
People is people, just as pigs is pigs; even more so, pigs not always being what one expects these days.

Nine

"Look," said I, "I refuse to believe that you exist."
The being stood perfectly still, not speaking; or if it was speaking, I had no way of understanding it.
"I'm just not going to put up with it, okay?" I continued. "The more I think about you, the more I end up contradicting myself. I can't even see you, there's no evidence whatsoever that you exist, nothing that would stand up in court." Although, I thought to myself, nothing much stands up in court these days.
With a faint sigh I turned my head and scanned my eyes over the spot where I sensed the being to be. "Leave me alone, okay?" I whispered. "I don't know what you want, but I can't help you. We have no way of communicating, you might not even exist. I just can't help you. Just go away." I felt a pang of loss and regret that I wasn't sure was mine. Mentally I lit a cigarette. "I'm sorry to be a loss."

That's a summation of a conversation I had in the basement this evening.
You want some sort of explanation for it? The world would have me believe I'm delusional, insane, paranoid. I don't want to believe that. I also don't want to thing I have some sort of mental power or ability. I can sense auras, I don't deny that, but I'm avoiding anything to do with the paranormal. Mezzonormal I can cope with, but the Planes can't vivisect one another. That defies both scientific and theoretical logic. And I don't really want to draw much attention to this. What is it? I'm not communicating with alt-earth entities. All I'm saying is I'm sensing beings with soul-patterns I don't recognise when there's no one there.

Yes, there was that time I met Satan. That was an experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life. But this was... different. It just was. It just was, okay?

Quote of the day:
You're allowed to have as many dimensions as you want, so long as they don't have anything to do with ghosts, telepathy, anything that fucks with Charles Darwin, or anything that Hitler liked (apart from Charles Darwin).

-The End of Mr. Y

AND

The random video of the week(ish):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTtxTvfGUwI

A walk of right turns and a drive of left

My keyboard is cold.

It's strange. The whole time I never felt hungry. There was a bit of an empty feeling, but I've felt far hungrier before in my life. Also the feeling of having drank too much water. Much too much. Much much much. If anyone shows me another water bottle I'm going to be sick.

The potluck was good though. Unsurprisingly, there were about six different kinds of brownies. I ate a piece of cheese, three grapes, a bread roll, two meatballs, a brownie, macaroni and cheese, one chicken nugget, two different chicken nuggets, two cookies (one chocolate and one caramel) and a kind of squidgy pouch thing that I couldn't really work out what it was, but I ate it anyway. Before that we passed the time playing icebreaker games and complaining about how hungry we were. It says alot about how spoiled our country is that we can't last even a couple of days without food.

We also watched this movie about child labor. It talked about how children are sold into slavery, abused and mistreated, and not even paid for it. There was a brick kiln where children were born, raised, and worked until they died, without ever leaving the area. Some girls were kidnapped off the street and sold as cheap sex slaves. Makes you wonder. Groups of people would go on raids to liberate children and return them to their families.

We also did this activity where we planned a menu for ten people for an entire week with a budget of 700 rupees. That's about twelve dollars. No one could work out how to buy enough to feed a family. Then we learned that most families have a budget half of what we had to work with. Tis sad.

I hope the sandwich under the hat was nice.

Bloody fingers

K. The level of trust we have now is getting into the extremes...

Nerves are at the end. Just so you know.

And according to the Captain, aliens have landed. They live in computers. And when a project is due tomorrow, they sneakily, cleverly, evilly, DELETE YOUR FILES!!! HA HA HA!!! So if a project is late, it's because of the aliens. That explains everything. The conversations we have in careers are getting very peculiar.

I'm almost certain what quote I want.


!: Nobody's perfect... well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

@: The major problem - one of the major problems, for there are several - one of the major problems with governing people is that of who you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well-known fact, that those people who want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.


#: A googol is precisely as far from infinity as is the number one." - Carl Sagan, Cosmos

$: There comes a time when a man must choose between the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do, and he only ever misses by one.

%: Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO WHAT A RIDE!.

^: In the struggle between good and evil it is usually the night that benefits most.~Vigilia

&: There's no point crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

*: Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

The best hugs

It's an irony, isn't it?
I should update earlier in the day. There's no point talking about my thoughts if no one's going to read them until tomorrow.

Mad World redux

Chris didn't understand Donnie Darko. I didn't expect him to. The director's cut changed it a lot.

And speaking of cuts...

We all have our forms of self-mutilation, whether on skin, on paper, or on the faces of others. I'm not sad at the moment. Not depressed at all. I'd just prefer to have my wounds where I can see them, where I know that they will heal. But the world doesn't want me to do that. It's sad; everyone wants what's best for me, regardless of whether it's right for me.

I haven't cut myself. But I'm severely tempted.

Love, Fear, Arrogance, Submission, Good, Evil, Pleasure, Pain, Joy and Despair... What does it all mean? Kefka was right. Life... hope... dreams... Where did they come from? And where are they going?

I may have found Prophet and Whisk. I don't know for sure yet. If they are real, it's really going to complicate things... I won't know what to call myself anymore. Seven won't be appropriate. Ninefold? I don't know. Seven just sounds better. But then, maybe it's time for me to move on.

Two pieces of a puzzle, together at last. A perfect fit, a perfect match, forming two halves of a person's face. It could not be better. Congratulations! Only 4998 pieces to go.

For Us the Bells Toll

There are no heroes anymore. None. There is no one left for us to look up to. The world is too large, and its people are too small. Religion is publicly denied, our leaders are hated with great malice, our wars are no longer worth fighting. In this age we have to make our own heroes. That is the answer to my question, at least for me: Who is Mantai? Mantai is my idea of a hero.

I hope we are living in the End Times. I cannot see us diminishing more than we already are. What is this we call "progress?" Right now a child is being born. Right now someone is reaching orgasm. Right now someone's life is changing forever. Right now someone is falling in love. Right now someone has finished a book. Right now someone has stepped in something sticky. Right now a cat is eating a fish. Right now someone is cradling a bleeding hand. Right now, someone is dying. Right now someone is at the point of death. Right now someone is in mortal agony. Right now someone is cutting her own wrist. Right now the world is in pain. I try not to think about it. I don't always succeed.

Time travel isn't nearly as complex as people make it out to be. We know that wormholes exist; microscopic ones are appearing constantly within the atmosphere. If we can create a stable one there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to travel between past and future. And what then? People will go back. Can history be changed? That is up to them. Let me explain. The Universe has a natural order. If someone is meant to go back in time, then they become part of the natural cycle, and whatever they may believe they are doing ultimately everything will fall into place exactly as it should be. However, if someone goes into the past and intentionally acts on their knowledge to ensure that something does not happen, creating a paradox, then the entire course of history from that point onwards will be changed. The person or people involved will continue to exist as anomalies within the timeline, ultimately becoming part of the new order. It is possible, and in fact likely, that people exist within this timeline who returned from the future and inadvertently prevented their own return, perhaps even stopping them from ever existing. Do you follow? People exist who would have been born if they had not prevented themselves from being born. Anomalies.

I can't stop comparing my life to an RPG. I've even made plans for the Sevenfold RPG, which takes place within a warped version of the Rooms. It stars the Seven (no surprise there) with some cameo appearances by the Ice Angel, Iox, and even the enigmatic Flex as the final boss. The story revolves around "World". Throughout the characters must find ways to interact, solve bizarre puzzles, and fight... things. The objective of the game seems to be to reach Haven, a mysterious Heaven-like place which may be an actual location, a state of mind, or even a concept. Most of the game revolves around swapping between the three planes of existence: the Physical world, the Conceptual world, and the Otherworld. The Physical world is "normal" in which the characters are human and comparatively uncomplicated objectives are given. The Mental world differs greatly depending on which character is in play. It shifts constantly based on a wide variety of factors. Several "mind powers" may be used, though each comes with a cost. The Mental world may be described as not what is actually there, merely what we perceive it to be. The Otherworld may be best described as a dreamlike state. Here World is actually replicated seven times and warped, twisted, and then connected to form the Rooms. The most difficult part of this switching concept is that the character still exists on all three planes at once, so anything you do on one plane will affect the other two. This is obviously extremely complex, which is the main reason I haven't finished it yet.

Chocolate and/or cheesecake... hmmm...

THIS!

IS!

SPARTAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm okay.

As I expected, Chris hit the roof when he heard I'd seen Saw. He keeps making arguments about how it's not fair that I get to see it when he doesn't. Not that I would have been allowed to see it anyway... technically... but no one seems too concerned about it. I'm not exactly scarred for life. If I have nightmares now, I'll let you know.

This could be a song title

Curled up across two chairs, a pat on the head, music all around, quiet inside. I dreamed.

Dust. A teardrop fell, falling from the heavens or so it seemed. As it landed a shockwave rose around it. So small it seemed. Then, a rush of perspectives, and I was the ant watching as all I owned was swept away. With a sigh I took out my umbrella, my lawn chair, and my clipboard. I began to sketch my new house. Then a gust of wind blew the board over, and sideways what I had drawn spelled out GOD. I sigh and look around. In the distance are other ants, forming a rough ring around me. One side gets closer and closer, while the other gets farther and farther away. I turned to the close side, shrugged, and gave them my clipboard and lawn chair. Then I plucked up my umbrella and stared at it for several seconds. With a gasp I plunge it through the middle of my body. The other ants quickly pull it away from me, snap off the pointy end, then plant it in the ground and lay me to rest in the shade. Just then a second tear drop falls and everything but the ants under the umbrella are washed away. We all looked at each other, shrugged, and left.

Argon maryth

The sign-in thing for this blog is really starting to annoy me. It keeps signing me out unexpectedly. That and no matter how many times I click the "Remember me?" button, it never does. So I have to type it all in every time. Grr.

It started with a little ache. Just a twinge on my back. Then, as I was walking along, it suddenly twisted itself into a knot. I don't know if you've ever had a knotted muscle on your back, but it's painful. I compared it at the time to having been filled with glue and left to harden. No matter how you turn it's either being compressed or stretched, and either way it's cracking. The word AGONY springs to mind. Walking was difficult. Then, unbearably slowly, the pain crawled up my back, right through my arm and onto my chest. It was like fire was moving over me... without the heat. Or the fire, for that matter. It stayed there a while, compressing my lungs, forcing me to gasp for air. Then it stabbed straight through the middle of my heart. Right now it's sort of spread out over my whole left side. Muscle spasm? Heart attack? Nanodestroyers? Demons? CIA? Mezzodrills? Or something even stranger?

I've definitely got Beast and the Harlot stuck in my head now.

Ivory in chains

I wondered to myself, What is the answer? But that, I realized, was a Deep-Thought paradox. What I should have been asking was, What is the question?

So this is what I came up with.

QUESTION NUMBER 1
What is the question?

QUESTION NUMBER 2
Why am I looking for an answer?

QUESTION NUMBER 3
Who is Mantai?

Question 1 is self-explanatory. Question 2 is difficult to answer without the answer to question 1. Question 3 is perhaps the most puzzling, but with a nudge in the right direction it might - just might - prove to be the most vital question of all.

Here is my Random Video of the week(ish).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Dmg_4ZA2Y&NR=1

Minesweeper dreams

This is not a poem. Seriously, it's not.

A poem is what people call a collection of ideas that they don't quite understand. A poem is open to interpretation. A poem can change lives, if heard by the right person, but to most everyone else a poem is another cute little muse by some cute little author who can now be ignored. It's the only way we can rationalize so many meaningful thoughts and expressions crammed into so little space. For instance:

Why do people place so much importance on the least significant things?
Why do people blame their problems on events far away, a government they voted into office, and a God they don't believe in?
Why do we talk, talk endlessly about world issues but do nothing?
Why are we somehow unable to bring our enormous surplus of food to starving third-world countries, despite having every known means of transportation at our disposal?
Why do people lack empathy?
Why is there clearly so much work to do in the world, and yet there are so many people without jobs?
Why have we made countless movies, written endless books, based entire lives around the concept of love, and yet no one can give any explanation of what it actually is?
Why does my head itch?
Why do people claim to know what animals are thinking, and make decisions about how pets are supposed to live based off of that?
Why do children dream of going on adventures and saving the world, while capable adults with a sense of actual responsibility would run away at the first sign of danger?
Why is a twelve-page essay full of long words that, let's be honest here, no one really understands, written by some scientist-type person in a laboratory far, far away more valuable than the exact same thing explained by the guy you met at the bar in under thirty seconds?
Why does this generation believe that the less you are actually wearing, the better dressed you are?
Why are some hypothetical numbers you don't actually own on a computer in some other country that will never have any real impact on you or anyone around you more important than a human life?
Why can insignificant specks of dust inspire more fascination than the largest structures civilization has ever constructed?
Why is black the new white?
Why are people so eager to accept ill news while anything good in the world is ignored, forgotten or overlooked?
Why are bunnies cute?
Why is doing something for the very first time more worthy of celebration than the first time it is done perfectly, or, for that matter, right at all?
Why do people cause enormous amounts of devastation in foolish attempts to save time?
Why is making lots and lots of money more important than saving the environment, protecting people's lives, or even basic human happiness?
Why are you listening to me list question after question that no one really has any answer to?

Now, that is not a poem. It cannot be a poem. I REFUSE to let anyone call what I have just said a poem. Because anyone can listen to a poem. But if you listen expecting that you probably won't understand it... then you never will.

And that is all I have to say about that.

I don't know which is more insulting, that she called it a poem or that she expected me not to understand the joke.

If you thought the mystery was funny, you should have seen our outtakes. From before we'd learned everything. Even onstage, Jesse was still a he... sometimes. Drove us crazy. And the first time Shaun tried carrying her offstage, her skirt hitched up a bit. Well, maybe more than a bit. And the time Ellen crept off behind that kind of dividing curtain thing to change, forgetting that she was completely surrounded by windows. And Becca is still driving me CRAZY!!! because whenever she bends down, I can see down the back of her pants. There's a line of shadow where two not-exactly-unobtrusive folds of flesh meet. Need I say more? I felt like I should have told her, or something, but how? "Hey, I've been seeing down the back of your pants..." Not really going to make me popular. And I'm not staring, by the way, I just have an irritating tendency to notice things people don't want me to. So I just live with it.
In short, it was a night punctuated by girls' underwear. Bizarre. Shame about Mr. Chuckles, really.

I wonder what's going to happen to the crinkled little paper heart. Maybe it will be thumbtacked to the wall next to my business card. I'll probably never know. I'm not allowed in that room anymore.

Fifty times sharper

It started with a good mood.

People just don't understand things. If I am in a certain mood at a certain point during the day, it does not mean that that is what my character is like all the time. People always tell you how you should be feeling. If I have almost missed a bus, does that mean that I should stop being happy? Am I not allowed to be happy anymore? Does that make being happy a bad thing? Also, if a bus has been fifteen minutes late every day for the past eleven months, would it not be safe for one to assume that it will be fifteen minutes late tomorrow? And who's idea was it for me to get up at this time anyway?

And now the piling on of accusations, one after the other. It's not exactly making me feel motivated. And I, of all people, have been accused of lacking empathy! When her anger was making me clench my fists and grind my teeth in aggravation!

Well of course I'm bloody grateful, but everything loses its meaning if you're obligated to say it. I need to sleep. Not that I'm going to get any. Not tonight.

Griffin chimera perched on your shoulder

Okay, let's think about this logically here.

Picture an elephant. Picture yourself looking at the elephant. Now picture an ant. Picture yourself looking at the ant. Now picture the ant looking at the elephant. Now picture the elephant looking at the ant. Now picture the ant looking at the elephant standing on top of a skyscraper. Picture the elephant falling off of the skyscraper and getting closer and closer until it lands on top of the ant. Picture the resulting explosion. This is just a mental exercise that you're going to need to do if you want to be able to picture the diagram I'm about to illustrate.


There are two basic states of emotion, Love and Fear. There are also the sub-states, Arrogance and Submission, which rest somewhere between them and off slightly to the side. View this as a 2-dimensional figure. Now, add Good and Evil very far away from each other across the center (making it 3-dimensional). Then add Pleasure and Pain the same way. Then Joy and Despair. Yes, the figure is now 5-dimensional. I never said this would be easy.

Next, find all of your emotional extremes, as represented by colours, and place them on the diagram. For instance, Red would probably be somewhere on the Fear / Arrogance / Evil / Pleasure / Despair side, Yellow on the Love / Arrogance / Good / Pleasure / Joy side, Dark Blue on the Fear / Submission / Good / Pain / Despair side, and so forth. The exact placement of the colours depends on the person and the shade of colour chosen, but it should form a kind of 5-dimensional spiral pattern. Then locate the EXACT center of the spiral. This, on average, is who you are.

I, for the record, am fairly close to the middle, leaning towards the Fear / Arrogance / Good / Pain / Despair sides. Probably not the best combination.

More like honey than peanut butter

The missing skin on my hand is red, like an open wound. I guess it is. It would be impossible to hide now even if I wanted to. I now wear it with a hint of pride, as though it's some kind of battle scar. You can be put into therapy for self-mutilation. I'm tempted to come forth and say I knew what I was doing. Then they'd take me seriously. I stroke it from time to time, just to remind myself that it's there. Just to feel it burn.

So maybe I'm not crazy, but I definitely can't say I'm unwell. I can blame nothing for what I am. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I can't go on living a septuple life. I know that. No one should have to. There's evil things afoot, and in the world where nothing has any meaning anymore the last thing one needs is a broken mind. I'm so tired of living a fractured life. I can never hold onto anything, never. Not a thought, not a feeling, not a memory. Not a love, not a life. Nothing. Every time I latch onto something and tell myself I'm safe I become someone else and throw it off like an old coat. I can't trust myself. I never know who I am. Religion, though, that's the big one. I'm nothing but a hypocrite. How can I bring God to other people if I only know that He's there part of the time? I can't. I can point in the right direction, but there's no guarantee I'll take it, and therein lies the absolute hopelessness of my situation. No matter what choices I make I'm guaranteed to undo them. I'm the makings of my own destruction and I know it. There's no point denying it. The worst thing you can possibly do is lie to yourself.

One more thing. Thousands of years ago, people could be possessed by Demons. Question: who's to say that isn't still happening?