-pation

There's a storm coming.

Not that kind of storm. The other kind. The kind you can't see; you can only feel it. I've only felt one of these before, about six months ago. I kept whispering "There's a storm coming." Over and over again. I couldn't help it. Ella kept looking at me like I was crazy, but she still comforted me.

It's strange when I think of Ella. There's a twitch. Not a good twitch or a bad twitch, just a twitch. I look at the past sometimes and think of the time when I knew I would never love anyone else. "Love is not fickle. The people who try to understand it are." I think I still do love her, in a way. At least part of me does. Part of me always did...

Am I making you jealous, Tash?

Time changes everything. I'm completely different from who I used to be. When I think of myself two years ago I feel nothing but pity. I was just beginning to realize who (and what) I am then. I was in for a surprise. That was the year I stumbled upon... that which consumed my life and soul. That was the year I died. I never truly recovered. The year after... at the very least I had some inkling of what had happened. I spent what seemed like forever trying to find myself. I pursued illogical relationships, began to take mezzophisical drugs, wallowed in self-pity like a giraffe in a tar pit. It took a long time before I reached a stable state of mind.

Looking back on the pathetic scrap of what barely passes for a human that my life used to be, I'm so glad those years are over.