So, how's the holiday going?

The holiday is not going well.
It's to be expected, I suppose. This close to Halloween - the day when the worst of both worlds comes together. I keep staring at the discoloured streaks on my hand from last year. I'll probably have them for the rest of my life... then again, they have faded. We'll see. Anyway, it's a bad day. Things have been bad. I'm tired, even more so than usual. I'm falling behind on my work, conversation is dead, I've been angry with everyone for awhile. I hope I don't do anything stupid this year. I wonder... *goes and searches the intenets for a minute* Ah, here we go. http://sevenfoldspirit.blogspot.com/2007/10/ween.html One year tomorrow. I remember when this wound was still fresh, sticky and stinging to the touch for days.
...probably best to stop reflecting on that.

The quest.
A tree. The tree out in a corner of the back field. I walked out to it in the dripping rain. I hadn't recognized it at first, trying to decide which of the few trees along the fence was the tree, but the trunk... not quite wide enough for one person to fit their arms around... the branches... just low enough for me to walk into... that one stick, nearly straight and sloped enough to hang a hat from...
One spot. This is where it happened.
Her hair, streaked with red and blond. Her clothes, the flowing skirts, her habit of walking barefoot whenever she could. Her smile. Her aura; a wonderful feeling of pure, unrefined happiness, so rare these days. Her piercings... her lip rings. I once wondered aloud what it would be like to kiss someone with lip rings. I imagined it was like being stabbed.
I was wrong.
I stood in that spot, staring at the ground. The tree shielded me from the rain. I remembered her warmth. We were kindred spirits, she and I; she'd realized it first, and curse of curses fell in love with me. Tired of life and unwilling to resist I found myself drawn closer to her, faster than we should have.
A kiss.
I hug the tree and sigh. The rain drips down my face.
That night I broke up with Tasha.
Officially, anyway. It had been over for awhile, we both knew it, but... hell, it was still cheating. I mean, it was over... but still. I don't know if I can decide for certain. I still feel in my last moments with her I betrayed her.
It wasn't meant to be. We both knew that. We drifted apart over time. Not long after... I insulted her. I made myself angry. I wanted her to hate me. I suppose I was alone and angry and needed someone to blame, and the most convenient person was myself. Maybe I thought it would give some closure to our relationship, some finality. It didn't work. I just felt awful, unable to apologize, and in a chance encounter she forgave me.
She lives in Montreal now. I hope she's happy with her man. I smiled, a mix of bitterness and forgiveness. I think I'm finally coming to terms with it. Finally coming to get over it. Finally coming to forgive myself. And this is only stage one.
Another figure walks by in the rain. I wonder what her story is. I go over and ask her.