This will never get old, ha ha.

The Large Hadron Collider didn't kill us all. I'm almost disappointed.

It just seems to me that every time I make a move towards being comfortable with myself and maybe, you know, happy, something comes up to point out that I'm incapable of relating to other people in any way. Someone shouts at me without shouting and pushes me down. Every time I try to do something just for me, to make myself feel better, maybe without having to justify myself. But no one seems to want me let to do that.

I was in a bad state this afternoon. Called myself a freak, over and over again. Threatened myself. Said I was nothing, scum, a murderer, that I was glad we were going to die. I almost cried. I can be most cruel sometimes.
But no one wants to hear it. I'm not going to try to hide behind a chemical imbalance; the depression is my fault. It's me that makes myself and everyone around me miserable. Happiness is a choice, not a reaction to stimulus, and I always choose wrong. I just make everything worse, drawing people further and further into my web, tightening the strings around them... I am a destroyer.
Why can people not acknowledge that I'm afraid? Afraid of the dark creatures, afraid that the monster is going to escape and kill someone, afraid that Skeleton or some other voice in my head is going to kill me. I don't expect a padded room (nice as that would be) but can't someone just tell me that they understand? Every time I bring up my problems I feel as though I'm forcing myself on people. Why don't they want to listen? Have they no pity? Failing that, can't someone abuse me, call me a freak, push me around for being different? All I ask is that someone, anyone, accept me for what I truly am, not just the parts of me that they choose to perceive. Can't someone care? Or must my uniqueness forever remain unaddressed, mocking me?
The voices, always singing songs in my head... the cruel, mocking laughter... the deathly silence. Will they follow me forever?
And I'm griping. Listen to me moan, this narrow-minded, self-obsessed child. Will he never cease his whining? He could pull himself out of this if he chose. he just chooses not to. Why? Must crave attention. Pathetic. Should lighten up. You said happiness is a choice. Why don't you just choose life, freak? Why?