Sep 15, 2008

Freud would have loved me

I've decided not to have thoughts or feelings any more. They've never been popular with anyone. I'm always scared or angry anyway, so it's not like I'm missing out on a lot. And my opinions never seem to improve anyone's life. So I'm just going to stop. Honestly I doubt anyone will notice.
It's tempting to pull a phantom: disappear, desperately reach for happiness, kill without mercy, destroy the world for showing no compassion to me. I couldn't do that, though. And death is, at the moment at least, unattainable. It's all locked up too tight, anyway. I can't even make myself bleed; it wouldn't help and people would only make a fuss. All I can do now is sit here and stew silently in this... hate.
And to think, all I really wanted was for someone to tell me, fully and in all honesty, that I was beautiful. I guess that was too much to ask.

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