Morbus Garrinattusan

There's something ironic about posting things at night. Because you know it's not going to be read until tomorrow. Like writing for the future.

I was angry today. No... not angry. Annoyed? Exasperated? Sort of... like I was irritated, but couldn't find the will to care.

"Hey!"
"Whoa... are they..."
"No, just hugging."
"Oh." Pause. "That looks really uncomfortable."
"They've been there like this whole time!"
"Wow... that's awkward."
"Yeah."

Clearly these people are not aware of how good my hearing is.

And as long as I'm telling stories... here's a story about my life.

***

All day long, I'm working in my little garden at the back of my average little house. No matter what I do, my plants keep dying. Nevertheless, I'm determined; I keep at it, rain or shine, hoping that someday I'll get it right and my garden will be beautiful.

So one day I'm working out in my garden when I look down and realize I'm not wearing any shoes. I've been walking around in the dirt this whole time and my feet are covered in mud. "Maggot," I mutter, because that's one of the things I tend to say when I'm annoyed, and begin to head back inside to wash up. Now as I'm walking I glance over my fence and I see God's working in his garden next door. "Hey, God!" I yell.

"Hey!" yells God back. "How are you? Great to see you!" So we start talking, and He ends up inviting me over for coffee.

So I walk around to his side of the fence, and I see he's got the most beautiful garden I've ever seen. So I say, "Whoa! That's a beautiful garden! How do you get it like that?"

He just smiles and says, "There's a trick to it. I can teach you if you like. Anyway, come on in!" So we go inside His house, and I see there's some kind of party going on. There's great music, great food, and lots of smiling people talking to each other. Everyone cheers when God and I enter the room. I wonder who they're cheering for.

So I start walking around, talking to people. "Are you all God's family?" I ask incredulously.

"Naw," says someone. "People come from all over to get here. And who wouldn't? Is this place great or what?" She starts dancing for a minute before returning her attention to me. "'Course, it's a bit of a walk for some, but from what I hear you live pretty close by, right?" I nod slowly and move on.

I've just about forgotten why I'm here when I catch sight of God again. At this point I remember that my feet are still dirty. I look behind me and see that I've left a huge trail of mud across the floor. I of course feel guilty, but no one seems to mind, least of all God. I think this is strange, seeing as it's his floor. Seeing my distress, God warmly says "Hey, let me wash your feet."

I blink. "You what?"

He smiles. "Yeah, your feet. They've got mud on them, let me wash them." So he pulls a brush out of nowhere and starts scrubbing my feet. The dirt slides off like water.

"W-what are you doing?!" Understandably weirded out, I step back and stare. Muttering some excuse, I leave through the front door.

"Feel free to stop by anytime!" yells God after me.

So I walk back to my house, occasionally glancing over my shoulder. "What a weird Guy," I say to myself. So I go inside and try to wash my own feet. But nothing seems to work, and however hard I try I can't get myself as clean as where God touched me. Feeling frustrated, I glance out the window and see that while I was gone, all the flowers in my garden have bloomed.

***

Comprised mostly of metaphors, bits from the Bible and this and that from my own life.