As soon as I work out who he is

It occurred to me earlier that I was upset about the drawings of the Rooms because I can't draw. So why don't I give a guided tour instead? Do something I'm actually good at?

Let's start with the Hub. The Hub is a large, six-sided room with a door on each wall. There is a spiral staircase in the middle leading up and down. The room itself is a dirty white, as though it was once sparkling but hasn't been cleaned in months. All surfaces are made of a tile that feels like linoleum but is hard and cold as marble. There is a distinct feeling of thinness to the room, as though you are walking on cracking ice or stiff paper.

The first door (#1 on the map) is a standard wooden door painted yellow. Inside is a mostly square but slightly lopsided room. On the wall on the right are various aquariums, and opposite them are several terrariums. On the wall facing the door there are several screens that can contain anything.

Directly opposite it (#7 on the map) is an identical door, only much larger and painted orange. Inside is a triangular room painted entirely in the same alarmingly bright orange. It is filled with comfy chairs, sofas and beds. There is an enormous flat-screen TV in the middle of the room and a beer fridge against the wall.

To the left of this room (#2 on the map) is what looks like an elevator door. It opens out to a large concrete plaza containing four large office buildings. These are "labelled" Human Resources, Hon-Human Resources, Claims and Returns. Most floors of these are filled with filing cabinets. The plaza itself is called Current Affairs. It is not fully understood what goes on in these building, although it probably has something to do with the Rooms.

Next door to that (#4 on the map) is a large stone doorway with malicious-looking gargoyles cared into it. This is the smallest Room, barely large enough to stand up in. It contains a few threadbare stuffed animals and nothing else. At the back is a very small, dark alcove; just the right size, one would think, for a small child to curl up in.

Directly opposite (#5 on the map) has no door. Inside is pure white. It's hard to tell where the floor ends and the wall begins. There appears to be no back wall. There is an alter of some sort at the end of the room, but it is guarded by the Ice Angel.

(#6 on the map) is the largest Room. The entrance to it is a doorway filled with hanging beads. This opens up onto the middle of an island called Eden in the middle of the C sea. Many strange things exist here. Other islands include Army Ant island, populated by a huge army of army ants; Exploding-Giraffeland, where the exploding giraffes live; Crab Claw island, full of things with shells; and the Lost Island of Nod. The Triumph Islands and ? are mostly unexplored. There is also a man-made island called Lair and a section of ocean where dragons are said to live.

Down the spiral staircase is a rust-red wasteland. Dunes of dark sand fill the horizon, with some wicked-looking mountains in the far distance. It is a harsh place.

No one knows what is up the spiral staircase. We've never looked.