Incidentally, post 200. How we've changed.

Classic paranoia: the fear that someone is standing behind you, right now. Probably with a weapon.

New classic paranoia: the fear that someone you know is standing behind you, right now. Possibly with a weapon.

Irrelevant paranoia: the nagging doubts about whether The Pharaoh Sails to Orion is or is not a love song.

This isn't real paranoia: the fear that some or all of your life is a dream or simulated reality.

This can't be happening! paranoia: the fear, based on a seemingly impossible event occurring right before your eyes, that some or all of your life is a dream or simulated reality.

Self-indulgent paranoia: the near-certainty that someone left the vacuum cleaner in the on position and that as soon as you plug it in it will roar frighteningly to life, followed by disappointment when it doesn't.

Self-destructive paranoia: the near-certainty that the vacuum cleaner could roar frighteningly to life at any moment, regardless of whether or not it is plugged in.

Suicidal paranoia: the fear that it's only a matter of time before you snap.

Homicidal paranoia: the fear that an emotion, for example a slowly-growing hatred of humanity, will one day cause you to perform actions you will later regret.

Skull paranoia: the fear of symbols that have lost all meaning through overuse.

Shut up shut up paranoia: the fear that other people are reading your mind, specifically the dirty thoughts.

I'm not a little kid any more paranoia: the fear that the people around you dismiss your thoughts as being unimportant.

Young on the inside paranoia: the fear of being considered childish for performing childish activities.

Classic social paranoia: the fear that your peers are talking about you behind your back.

Empty social paranoia: the fear that no one is talking about you behind your back. In fact, they never think about you. Ever.

Reverse social paranoia: the fear that your peers know what you've been thinking about them.

Disgusting paranoia: the fear of being hit by a dead bird falling from a roof.

Nasty paranoia: the fear of being walked in on in the middle of an unpleasant act.

Tumor paranoia: the fear that something is growing inside of you that you aren't yet aware of.

Cancerous paranoia: the fear of revealing a severe illness or injury to others.

Surreal paranoia: the fear that there isn't a bigger harmonica.

Despairing paranoia: the fear that after ten years together, your partner doesn't love you.

Terrifying paranoia: the fear that after ten months together, your partner doesn't love you.

Hesitant paranoia: the fear that after ten minutes together, your partner doesn't love you.

Both ways damned paranoia: the fear of determining if you have sinned.

You'll see paranoia: the fear that you're not crazy after all.

They're coming paranoia: the fear that they are coming. Possibly for you.

Don't open that box paranoia: the fear of the anonymous.