One. Four. Seven. Nine.

I don't know what to do. I just don't know.
I'm supposed to tell them. How can I? I've kept this mostly to myself for four years now. Four years. Too long? Perhaps. Or perhaps no time is long enough.
I'm just so afraid of what will happen to me. Disappointment. Drugs. I don't want to go on. I don't even want to think about it.
I am what I am. I don't want to capitalize on it.
How can I say it? How can I reveal something like this, that's been kept silent for so long? How do I explain? How do I even bring it up? And the pain it would cause. So, so much pain. It's against the very first of the Skeleton Rules: You will not cause pain. Plain and simple. You will not cause pain. It's a rule I break, and break frequently. And each time I pay dearly for it.

The Skeleton Rules
1. You will not cause pain.
2. You will not think highly of yourself when self-appreciation is not deserved.
3. You will not bend to the will of any who are unworthy.
4. You will not allow impure thoughts to pass through your mind.
5. You will not generalize.
6. You will not conform.
7. Your needs are secondary to those of others.
8. You will not break the Skeleton Rules.
9. You are a good person. Don't forget it.

And yet I do break the Skeleton Rules. Particularly rule 8.
I don't know. That seems to be my only answer now. I just don't know. I wish I knew. I wish things had been different. I wish I was a better person. I guess it's too late for that.
I carry on. As I always do. I deal with myself and move on. I keep it inside. It's all I've ever known.
The whole Universe just seems so strange to me.

Things possibly about me:
Synesthesia
Bisexuality
Depression
Paranoia
Inferiority complex
God complex
DID
Schizophrenia
Demonomania
Genuine demonic possession

Why is nothing simple?