Yeggs

Day two. Big times.

Through another hiccup Tasha and I have been put in all three classes together. A year ago that might have bothered me. It's kind of ironic. I used to envy her for being able to move on with her life so easily, while I still hurt whenever I looked at her. Eventually I got used to the pain. Eventually it stopped hurting. Now I'm fine and she still refuses to look at me. Strange world.
Now that I've been so long without a girlfriend/boyfriend, I think I can see myself surviving. It was nice to have someone in love with me, but I'm living without it. It's not like I'm alone. I have friends. I have people to talk to, should things go flipside. I'm not looking for someone to love at the moment, not in that way. Maybe in ten years or so I'll find someone. Maybe by then I'll be ready. We'll see.
I think a lot of it might be my warping physicality and sexuality. Something broke in me awhile back, I'm not sure when, and since then I've become more and more sensitive to touch. It used to be that I didn't like people touching my back. Now just brushing against someone can make me flinch. I'm not certain I could stand to be close to someone. I hope I'm not that far gone. In consequence of this, my sexual identity is a bit twisted. My teenage hormones and animal desire for sex seems to exactly match my fear and loathing of it, leaving me in a kind of awkward, solitary purgatory. I'm going to choose to accept this as a good thing.

I'm procrastinating again. Uh-oh.
There's an old project I need to dig out and work upon. I will do that. I need to keep myself busy or I'll slip into something terrible again.