It is march the second.

It is one in the morning.
What is wrong with me?

...aside from the obvious. Meh. I guess a hell of a lot of stuff is wrong with me, put like that.
You know, studies show that people with depression have a better understanding of the world than everyone else. Makes you think, dunnit.
I hate being in a house with cats at night. I keep hearing doors opening and closing. And the creaking. Footsteps. I can't tell which are real and which aren't.
I am tired. I should sleep.
And yet...
And yet what?
It's the pills. I think. No, I don't, that's the problem... I can't think at all. My head is filled with fuzz, white noise, a constant buzzing and humming. It drowns out everything else. Where am I? I don't know. Maybe that's the real secret behind them; they just fuzz everything out until you're an empty, smiling shell. I hope this wears off. I couldn't live like this forever. The search for cyanide and happiness will have to continue somewhere else.

They've been trying to get me to take pills. Bleh. I hate it. But I can do it. Some might call it a mind over matter thing... really it's the opposite. Mind over matter may work for some people, but not me. I find it's mind under matter - just letting yourself go and realizing that the only thing stopping you from doing something is you. Focus on the matter and the mind becomes irrelevant. Makes me question my morality, but what doesn't?

It is my opinion that people become crazy for two reasons. Either you ingest too much bullshit and start to believe something that isn't true, or you ingest too little and start to believe something that is. I hope I belong to the latter group. Or do I? One of my greatest desires has been for everything I've ever believed in to be wrong. Self-defeating, but whatever. I hope I'm out of that by now. People on the whole don't want to accept responsibility for anything. That's why they don't want to commit to belief. I say you can't be an atheist or nihilist and then complain about the meaninglessness of existence. That's just not fair to anyone.

Like I get any sleep anyway.