So I'm a good choice?

Crush my windpipe. Go on. I dare you.

More and more I'm beginning to question my relationship status. Having a girlfriend who is completely free to push me around and knows it and does so is actually really comforting for me, seeing as I've never been particularly good at taking charge, but given that I'm the one using her for my emotional support it begs the question of exactly what she sees in me. But then, I've always said that. Certainly I'm proof to her family that she is capable of making good decisions, and I know she cares about me... I assume she cares about me. I'm doing my best not to look too directly into her mind, on the basis that weird shit attracts more weird shit in accordance with the Laws of Weird Shit, and if the past is any indication no good ever comes of this. And yet. She's made more than one reference to other boys in the future, and while she's probably just being a realist... what can I say? She is just being a realist. And it hurts, not just because she's thinking it but because she's probably right. I have no problem with accepting her for who she is but I can't ask anyone to accept me for what I am. I'm the one who needs to change. I'm the problem character here. And things are just starting to sort themselves out, and it looks like we may have a chance to be happy together... which means that another bad thing is going to happen soon and I'll spiral into depression again. Am I being manic-depressive? Pessimistic? Or, based on my past relationships, a realist? I honestly couldn't say.
I want to think that there's hope, you know? That this isn't just another high school romance leading to more bad memories. I know it's been long since proven that no matter how beautiful a love is, it will probably fail. Because we're young. Again, the youth. An older, "wiser" person might tell me that these trials and tribulations I live through will make me a stronger person, and each relationship I have will help me make better decisions in the future. But, I would answer, what am I supposed to feel now? Should I pursue relationship after relationship, knowing full well that it's destined to end in heartbreak, so that someday countless years from now I'll find someone to love forever? Is there no hope for me now? How can I go on, knowing that there is no hope for me until some set date so far away as to be invisible? It's all very well saying I'll be older and stronger and wiser in the future... but what about now? How can I live right now?
I know. I am weak. So what if I'll be strong someday? How is that supposed to make me feel right now?

I remember being... happy.
Humans are so strange.